“And?” he asked, unconvincing in his attempts to sound nonchalant.
She took a deep breath before responding. “Do you want to read it, Jim?”
“No, I trust you to tell me what it says, if I need to know.” He spoke with apparent calmness, but she knew he wanted to know. He’d already told her, he wanted to know everything.
She got her phone and opened the message, rolling onto her front to face him. “He likes how it looks hung and he would like Lenny’s number and I was correct about its name.”
“You’re lying, Tasha.” A darker tension was developing between them. “Maybe a lie of omission, but still a lie as far as I am concerned.”
“Fine. I will read you the message. Mine to him first.” She felt irritated, but why? Was it because Jim wanted to know so much or because he was spot on in his summing up? She took a deep breath and read back the message she’d sent him the previous evening, word for word.
“Now the reply.” Jim wore an almost black expression on his face.
“Wow, Tash. It looks great. No you look great, Princess. Get you with American friends. Yes, she became ‘Escape’ after you vetoed my first choice of ‘Natasha’ and was very expensive. Send me the number or call me when you get back and give it to me. We could do dinner. I’m sad I screwed up with you, but will try to make things right for my child’s sake. I don’t know if I will be a brilliant dad, but will try for you and her. I would like us to be friends still and I miss you, too. Sorry I wasn’t able to save you sooner. Love you, Tash. Gerry kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.”
“The painting is of you, as I thought. At least I know why I found her so beguiling and strangely familiar.” Jim had gone past irritated and dark and was currently fixed on angry.
She said nothing. She didn’t know what to say. If she was expected to say anything.
As he continued, she realised no comment was the best comment. “I don’t want you to be his friend, and yet I know you do and will. It drives me crazy to think he has seen you like that. That anyone has. I hate when he calls you princess and that he saved you, he rescued you. At least the fucking painting isn’t called ‘Natasha’ because that really would have tipped me over the edge, although I’m pretty close knowing my girlfriend’s naked form is adorning the wall of my ex-wife’s home.”
She stared at him, still unsure whether to speak or laugh and decided saying nothing might still be the best option.
“Say something at least.”
Clearly, nothing wasn’t an option now, meaning she needed to come up with something, so she went with honesty.
“He is my friend and I do love him, as my friend, but no more, Jim. I have known him all of my life and we have a history like you do with Sara and all of the others, but I have no interest in anyone I have known before, not for sex. I know with one word I could be back with Gerry, so why am I here if it’s him I want?” She waited for several long seconds and when he didn’t respond, she continued. “I’ve told you, nobody makes me feel like you do, never have.” She dared to smile. “I didn’t lie about anything, but I knew how you’d feel about it all.”
“I just don’t want to lose you, Tasha. I really, really, really like you, which is why I want to know everything about you, honey.” He pulled her back towards him.
“Okay. Where to start?” she asked herself more than him. “You know about my dad getting my mum pregnant at fifteen and being thrown out because she wouldn’t have an abortion. Well, my dad’s parents took her in for a while, but when I was born they said we had to leave and my dad was working so they got a council house and then a mortgage to buy it, next door to the Solomon family who had a little boy the same age as me, Gerry. Then Dan and Pippa came along, but they were struggling by then, financially, emotionally, and maritally. He was a delivery driver and found lots of bored housewives and she was working in a bar so had no shortage of admirers and that’s how it was. I looked after the two little ones when they went out together and separately. Dad began drinking too much and gambling and was generally unpleasant and Mum was just apathetic and resigned to everything. Anyway, one night they had been out together and were arguing when they returned; she’d been flirting with some guy in the pub and he’d lost the housekeeping money on some horse or something and they started arguing and shouting as soon as they got back and woke me up. I went downstairs to stop them before they woke the little ones up and somehow got caught up in it and got hit.”
She felt his grip tighten as he continued to stroke her hair with his free hand. Although, she was unsure just who he was attempting to comfort.
“I went to school the next day with a black eye and my teacher reported it to social services who got involved and they contacted my grandparents. That’s how they came to be involved with us kids and decided to ensure we couldbetterourselves with a good education. We would visit them some weekends and they paid for hobbies and clubs and stuff, but they refused to have anything to do with my parents. I was about thirteen when Gerry asked me to be his girlfriend, we were both young and innocent. We kissed and held hands, no more really, but my dad, ironically, had always said I was a slut and was screwing every boy in town and would come back knocked up and that just made me more determined not to. Gerry and I continued to see each other, but maintained the façade of just being friends and neighbours. When I was almost fifteen my dad got into big trouble with money and owed about seven grand and the guy he owed, Liam, came to collect. Unfortunately, Dad was out. Mum told him to search the house if he didn’t believe her and he did, including bursting into the bathroom where I was taking a bath.”
“Christ, Tasha.” Jim sounded as scared as Tasha remembered being at the time, although she feared he might be overthinking what had happened.
“He didn’t touch me. I leapt out of the bath, startled, but he just looked, and then he went. My dad came back later and told me I needed to help him. That he’d found me a boyfriend who would sort out all of our problems, more precisely his debt. He set up a date for the next night with Liam and I knew exactly what was required and it wasn’t up for debate, unless I wanted to be personally responsible for my siblings losing their home and us all going into care and being split up.”
“A date.” Jim spat the words out, barely masking his utter outrage but in complete contrast to that he pulled her chin up and kissed her gently on the nose. “He made you think if all the shit happened it would be your fault?” Jim’s tone was almost disbelieving now.
“Yes, and I believed if I could make things okay it would be worth going on a date withhis friend, but then he crudely made it obvious what would be expected of me and I was scared, really scared.”
He continued to stroke her hair and gripped her hand again, stroking it gently with his fingers.
“I knew the theory of it, but I had no experience of boys beyond Gerry, so this was completely outside of my knowledge. I agreed, under duress. There was no choice, it was a done deal. I knew I had to do it for Dan and Pippa. He told me if I told my grandparents he would stop me seeing them and my education would be gone.”
“Bastard!” Jim spat the single word response vehemently.
Looking up at him, she pulled herself up his body so she was eye to eye with him and as she stroked his face she kissed him gently on the lips, desperate to reassure Jim and make this somehow easier for him to hear.
“I saw Gerry that night and told him. He did everything to talk me out of it. He even suggested running away together, but we had no money and nowhere to go. My dad really would have beat the shit out of me if we’d been found and brought back, plus, how could I leave Dan and Pippa to face it alone? So I did the only thing I thought I could.”
“You met Liam.”
She nodded.
