“But I didn’t want my first experience of sex to be with him, to be associated with Liam and my dad and all the crap, so I slept with Gerry first. He knew why and he was as scared as me, but neither of us knew what else to do.”
“Fuck!” was Jim’s sole comment now.
“Quite. Then I met Liam and he cleared my dad’s debt.”
“But you refer to him as your boyfriend and if it was only once…” His voice trailed off and with the inference of his words out Jim knew what was coming.
“No. A few weeks later my dad got into debt again and Liam didn’t want cash even if he had it, so that’s how it went for about a year, but my dad said he was my boyfriend. Maybe it made him feel better about it, I don’t know. I always used condoms if I could. I said my mother taught me that, but it was more her life that taught me to be safe. I never wanted to be like her, to end up like her, to end up in a loveless marriage where children were conceived and used as pawns in fucked-up games. We used condoms except for when Liam insisted, which he sometimes did and if I objected he was as handy as my dad was, or forced the issue anyway, so I just gave in. Eventually, I learned not to protest. But Gerry and I were always careful so when I found myself sixteen and pregnant, I knew it was Liam’s and I knew what that meant. It meant I was my mother in waiting.”
“You got pregnant?” he whispered, clueless what to say to make things easier.
She nodded and in spite of her own reluctance to let them, the tears began to flow.
“Oh, Tasha, baby, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you, forgive me, please.”
She curled around him and he brushed her tears away. “No, it’s fine. Maybe it’s better you know and hear it from me. I couldn’t have a baby, not his baby. Gerry used his inheritance from when his grandma died to pay for an abortion. He took me there and he stayed with me and brought me home. I’ve never told anyone else, nobody, just Gerry and he promised to get me out of there. He was at art college and was brilliant, and someone there had a friend in the art world who got Gerry a show at a gallery. The show caused a bit of a storm and basically he made enough money from it to quit school, become a full time artist and buy the studio. He was as good as his word and as soon as he got the keys he came for me and took me away. He saved me from that life and until I could do it myself, he subsidised my parents. It was at a show of Gerry’s where I was first approached by Angie who asked if I would like to join a soap opera her friend was involved in, which led to a pantomime where I sang and then I got some offers of chorus lines in musicals and stuff. My friend from school who is also my flat mate, Lucy, got me some modelling work and I’ve never looked back, career wise at least, but I couldn’t turn my back on Dan and Pippa completely, which is why I am still bailing him out. That was the deal.”
“Jeez, Tasha that is seriously fucked-up and you need to cut him loose. Did your mom know?” he asked, still reeling.
“She had to, and she certainly does now, but she is very good at playing dumb,” she replied sadly. “That’s the hardest bit. She could have saved me, saved us all, and she did nothing, still won’t, but it’s in the past and there is no point in dwelling on it. I can’t cut him loose until Dan and Pippa are out of there and Dan won’t leave Pippa alone and my dad won’t let Pippa go until he has to. I’ve begged him to let her live with me, but he won’t. So, can you see why Gerry is my friend? Why I would never want to lose him, even after what he and Kara did?”
“I can understand you’re indebted to him, maybe we both should be. And after Gerry?” he asked, regaining his earlier intention to find out everything.
“I had a number of dates and brief acquaintances, but Jake was the next proper boyfriend I had.”
“Thecould have been more?”
“Yes. He’s a photographer I met when I was doing a modelling shoot. We never lived together. We were exclusive and I really thought he could be the real deal, but he had a crazy ex and I wasn’t really over Gerry so after about a year we separated, amicably, and we’ve remained friends. You know, the odd text, birthday card, and occasionally our paths cross for work and we meet up for a drink or dinner from time to time.”
Jim lay back running a hand through his hair. “I could never have imagined you had lived that life when I first met you.” He sounded sad, upset, angry, but she wasn’t sure what he felt.
“Are you disappointed in me?” she asked nervously. “That I allowed myself to become that.”
“No, no, no. Of course not, baby. You were a child, a damaged child with too much worry and heartache and you did what you had to do to survive. I don’t feel disappointed in you. I feel sad it happened. I admire your ability to survive and I feel angry as fuck with your parents and that pervert, Liam, but most of all I feel glad you’re here, with me, safe. But we need to deal with this once and for all.”
“We? No. I need to do this,” she protested.
“No. You have tried and failed, honey, but this will end, one way or another.”
“But—”
“No, Natasha, no buts, WE will sort this,” he said sharply then immediately softened. “What do you want to do this afternoon?”
“I thought we were having lunch with the oldies.” She laughed at her own use of Philip’s term.
He gently smacked her denim clad bottom. “Most inappropriate, Miss Winters. They are my parents. I meant after lunch. We could buy you something for later, something appropriate for you to go out without me.”
“No need. I have a little dress with me. It’s totally appropriate for clubbing.”
“Ah, now that could be a problem because your idea of appropriate and mine differ greatly, honey. How little is this dress?”
“Little, she admitted. “I doubt you’ll approve, but it is appropriate for purpose. I don’t want you to dress me. I prefer it when you undress me, James.”
With his usual lightning speed, he had her sprawled flat out and was heavy on top of her, one leg wedged between hers.
“Oh, baby, you are naughty. I like you naughty, but you were foolish enough to wear jeans, so you’ll have to wait until later for me to undress you and get my hands on your naughty ass.” He teased her as he began to grind his leg against her thighs and beyond.
She pulled his head down towards her and kissed him with every ounce of emotion she still felt from her revelations.
