That’s all she says. Not that she believes I could never hurt anyone, much less kill a man. Not that she’s behind me when the rest of the world wants to lock me in prison and throw away the key.
No, all she can talk about is what everyone is saying.
“Because we were hiking! You can’t just believe in me, can you? Jesus, you’ve known me for over fifteen years,” I say in disbelief that my own wife isn’t standing by me on this.
She remains silent, so I say the words I never thought would leave my mouth. “You think I did it.”
“I think people are going to talk, Connor. They already are. The girls told me kids at school were saying you’re a murderer. The mothers at gymnastics acted like I was a criminal myself. They looked right at me with such disgust. Right through me. Like I was diseased.”
“So that’s it? You’re not worried about me? That I’m being framed for murder? You’re worried about the girls’ social standing at gymnastics?” I ask in utter disbelief.
What happened to our vows that said we’d love each other through better and worse? The first time we hit a rocky patch, she’s eager to throw it all away, and for what? People liking her and the girls being popular?
“You think this is about social standing? Do you know what it’s like to watch our daughters ask why everyone is talking about their father? Why people are saying he’s a killer? Jesus, Connor. You’re not the only one hurting here.”
I’m not sure I want the answer, but I need to ask. “And what did you say to them? What did you tell our daughters?”
Her voice cracking, she answers, “I lied. I said it’s a mistake. That you’d never hurt anyone. That everything was fine. But it’s not fine, Connor! The police came here to our house.”
“Because I was with him when he shot himself. How many times do I have to tell you? I couldn’t do that. You know me. I’m not a killer. It’s crazy!”
With each word, my voice grows louder until I’m almost screaming at her. Jesus, this is so frustrating! Jamie knows me. She knows I couldn’t kill Bryan. I barely knew the guy. What reason would I have for wanting him dead?
We stand there in the brand new kitchen she said she had to have, complete with top of the line stainless steel appliances better suited to a professional kitchen than a suburban one, and there’s only one question on my mind now. It’s the most important question I’ve ever asked her.
“Do you believe me when I say I didn’t kill him?”
My heart slams in my chest, and I swear that’s all I can hear as I stare at her and wait for her answer. Bryan’s death has turned my life into a nightmare, and it’s only getting worse by the minute.
Jamie frowns and answers, “I don’t know what to believe! You won’t even tell me what happened up there!”
“I’ve told you everything there is to tell. Bryan and I were up on the hiking trail, and he grabbed my gun. I assumed he knew what the hell he was doing, but he started waving it around. I told him to stop so we could get going on our hike, but then the next thing I knew, the gun went off and he was on the ground. That’s it. That’s all there is to tell.”
She looks like she’s about to cry when she says, “So you did take your gun. Why? What did you need a gun for? You were going for a damn walk, Connor!”
I shrug, wishing I never even had the idea to grab my gun before I left that day. “I don’t know. I can’t tell you why. I just did. But I swear I didn’t shoot him.”
“Then why are they saying you did it? Suicide and murder aren’t similar at all. I watch those crime shows on TV, so I know. The angle of the shot would be all wrong if they’re saying it’s murder when he really shot himself.”
I close my eyes to try to find some bit of patience. “I know. I’ve thought the same thing a million times. I told those idiot cops that, but they’ve already tried and convicted me for this.”
For the first time, Jamie looks relieved. “Well, then that’s it then. We just have to wait for the coroner to clear all of this up.”
If only it was that easy.
Shaking my head, I say, “He already determined it’s homicide. I don’t know what kind of person they have in that job, but if it’s anyone like those two morons Ramon and Raintree, I have to think this town needs a better person in that position.”
Jamie’s expression twists into one of horror. “He already said it’s not suicide? How? He’s the coroner, Connor! They know about these things. If he said it’s homicide…”
Her sentence trails off as if she can’t bring herself to say the words. I grab her hand, afraid if I don’t that she’ll leave. I have to know she’s on my side in all of this. I don’t know what I’m going to do is she abandons me.
“I went up there the other night and someone hit me on the back of the head. I was out for hours lying on the ground until the cops found me at one in the morning. I think someone is framing for this, Jamie. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
She gives my hand a squeeze as she shakes her head. “What is going on, Connor? Who would follow you up on the hiking path and attack you like that?”
“I don’t know. The cops found me, and of course, they don’t believe a word I’m saying. Those two wouldn’t know a damn clue if it crawled up their asses.”
Jamie gently takes her hand away from mine and walks over to the sink. After splashing water on her face, she dries off with a dish towel and turns around to face me.
