“Where is everybody?” I ask when he takes a break from talking as we climb a small hill.
He laughs at that question and points toward a clearing a few yard away. “Maybe up there. I’d think it would be more crowded out here today.”
“Me too. The sun’s shining, the weather’s not too hot, and it’s the weekend.”
Our conversation goes nowhere rather quickly. Maybe it would be better if I let him talk more for a while until I think of something interesting to discuss. The last thing I want is himtelling Martin at work while he’s in his office yucking it up like he does every day at lunch that I’m a huge bore. That won’t help me get that promotion I’ve been hoping to get this year.
We reach the clearing and find no one there. How odd. Maybe everyone is out on the golf course. They did say all tee times were booked for this weekend.
“Hmmph, I thought there would be someone up here,” Bryan says like he’s disappointed.
Maybe I am a huge bore. Damn! I need to get some conversation going, or I’m going to blow this opportunity to brown nose the boss’s favorite.
“I think they’re all on the golf course. I tried to book a tee time, and they were booked solid this weekend and next.”
That seems to interest Bryan, and he turns around to face me like I’ve finally uttered something that didn’t bore him to tears. “Oh, yeah. That’s right. Martin wanted the two of us to play a round of golf tomorrow, but no go. The only place in town that had any spots open was the municipal course, but you know how that one is. I swear they never even ask people to replace their divots, and it’s obvious no one really takes care of the course. It’s like golfing on a road filled with potholes every time I’ve tried there.”
This is my chance. He brought up work and our boss, so all I have to do is keep the topic alive by saying something interesting.
Except my mind is utterly and completely fucking blank. Son of a bitch! I just need one thing to add to the conversation, and I have nothing. I’m blowing this opportunity. I need to fix this right now!
Desperate to say something, I blurt out, “That Martin is a great golfer, isn’t he? I’ve seen him on the course when I’m playing, and he’s definitely a cut above.”
By the time I finish speaking, I’m filled with dread. Yes, I kept the conversation going, but I made it seem like Martin and I aren’t anywhere close to the same level, socially or when it comes to golf.
Bryan shrugs, so I quickly add, “I made sure to tell him that when we talked after we finished and were hanging out in the clubhouse.”
At least that makes it sound like my boss doesn’t shun me like some social leper he can’t stand being around outside of work.
I wait for some response from my hiking partner, but he seems more interested in something rustling in the bushes. Making his way over to where I imagine an animal is doing its private business, he points at the shrub and mouths, “Look at this!”
Look at what? A gopher taking a shit? How the hell is this guy the new office favorite?
Playing along, I follow him and stop a few feet away from the bush, just in case it’s some far more vicious animal than what I’m imagining. As I take my place next to Bryan, I whisper, “It might be something that doesn’t appreciate humans interfering in its alone time.”
He turns to look at me and smiles before he whispers, “You know, you’re way funnier outside the office. I didn’t know that about you.”
Okay, that sounds good. He can certainly feel free to report that back to Martin. Everyone loves a guy who’s got a great sense of humor. I never saw myself as that kind of person, but hey, if he thinks so, that’s fine with me.
Whatever makes our boss think more highly of me so he wants to give me that raise later this year works for me.
A noise behind us startles me, so I pull my gun out. There’s nobody there, though.
I open my mouth to thank him for the compliment, but just then, he sees the gun. “Hey, let me see that. I didn’t realize you owned a gun. Damn, Connor. You’re way cooler than I thought.”
He grabs it from my hold, so I quickly say, “Bryan, be careful with that. Do you know anything about guns?”
But his attention seems fixed on that poor creature in the weeds. “Check it out. Let’s see how this hedgehog does when it’s running for its life,” Bryan says with a laugh.
Before I can say he shouldn’t shoot at anything, he takes aim at the animal and misses. Great. Now we can continue our walk.
“Oh, well. Maybe next time,” I mumble as I reach for the gun.
But he’s not ready to go just yet.
Taking aim for a second time, he shoots at something, although I can’t imagine it’s still that animal from before. He’s not stupid enough to stick around when someone’s trying to kill him.
“Son of a bitch! Almost got him!” Bryan calls out.
