“Jamie! Order for Jamie!” the girl behind the counter calls out, and I hurry up to get my coffee and scone.
We exchange pleasantries, and on the way back to my table, the sweet scent of blueberries fills my nose as steam wafts up from the scone. Thanks to my new friend’s suggestion, I know this one will be much better than last time.
Eager to dive in to my treat, I break off a piece and pop it into my mouth. Even though it’s very moist due to the butter, it’s too hot, and I hurriedly take a drink of my iced latte to wash itdown. Consumed by trying to stop the scone from burning the roof of my mouth, I don’t see Kelsey until she’s standing next to my table.
“Let me guess,” she says with a chuckle. “It’s not as dry as the Sahara, but now it’s too hot. I should have mentioned that to you when I told you about the butter trick. I hope you didn’t burn your mouth.”
I motion to the chair on the other side of the table and nod. “I did, but thankfully, I got myself an iced latte today, so I was able to cool things down nicely. Join me. I’m here celebrating a night off.”
My friend’s expression tells me she doesn’t understand, so when she sits down, I explain myself. “My daughters are at a friend’s house having a sleepover, so it’s a free night for me.”
Kelsey’s eyes light up, but that accentuates her scars so she returns to looking like herself quite quickly. “Doesn’t that mean you and your husband can have a night to yourselves? I have to imagine having two young daughters means you don’t get many nights like that.”
I don’t want to show her how unlikely that is and how unhappy I am about that fact, but it’s impossible for me to keep how I feel a secret. My mother used to say I never had an emotion that didn’t cross my face, and although I’ve had to get much better controlling my expressions since dealing with all the mothers at gymnastics, I doubt I could hide my disgust with Connor at this moment.
Still, I can’t go raving about my husband’s behavior since no one wants that, so I force a smile and answer her question. “Maybe, but Connor has a lot on his plate these days. He’s probably going to be busy with work tonight.”
Instinctively, I watch her face for any clue to what she feels about that. I’ve learned dealing with all the mothers at gymnastics that what people truly think isn’t always clear bywhat they say. No, the truth is usually found in a person’s expression.
I don’t see any reaction from Kelsey, which I hope means she doesn’t pity me. Of all the things people can feel about me, pity is the worst. I’ve seen it on the faces of some of the mothers when they look at Maris, and I just don’t think I could deal with anyone feeling that way about me.
“Well, it’s still nice to have some time to yourself, right?” she asks before brushing a crumb off her pale blue T-shirt that’s very flattering on her.
I consider mentioning how much I like that shirt on her, but I’m not sure we’re at that place in our friendship, so I simply answer her question. “It is. So for the next hour, I’m going to sit here and relax. After that, I’m not sure what I want to do. I have to admit that’s a nice thing, though. Most days, every moment is planned out with activities and chores I have to get out of the way.”
She turns around to face the board and then looks back at me. “I think you’ve got the right idea with that iced latte and scone. I’ll be right back. Do you need anything while I’m up there?”
I shake my head and shrug. “I’m good.”
While Kelsey is gone to the counter, all I can think is those two words are the biggest lie I’ve ever told. I’m not anywhere close to good.
In fact, I think my life may just be what I’ve always feared. I think it’s just like all the other mothers’ lives.
And I have no idea how to change that.
CHAPTER FIVE
Connor
Bryan is waitingfor me when I park my car at the community center. Dressed in tan pants that aren’t wrinkled and a light green T-shirt, he looks like a hiker. Or maybe it’s the perpetual tan he always seems to have and the way his light brown hair looks like he just ran his fingers through it and left the house. He only lives a few blocks away from me, so we should spend more time together. I guess that would require me listing him as something more personal than Guy From Work in my contacts.
“Hey! Ready for some great hiking?” he calls out as I slam my car door shut.
I’m ready for anything that doesn’t involve dealing with my wife or eight screaming girls.
“Sure!” I say in a forced tone of enthusiasm.
It’s not that I don’t want to go hiking. That’s as good a way to spend my afternoon as any other. As long as it keeps me away from my house, I’m fine. It’s just in the big scheme of things,hiking isn’t exactly top on my list of ways to occupy myself on a beautiful sunny day off from work.
When I reach Bryan, exuberance is practically radiating off him. I guess he really likes hiking.
Taking a page out of my wife’s social climbing book, I figure I’ll get to know him a bit more today and see how that can help me at work. He’s the new favorite of our boss, so it can’t hurt.
“I figured we’d walk the paths that surround the community. They aren’t tough by any means, but they’ll give us a nice workout and we’ll get a ton of fresh air. Sound good?”
With a nod, I agree to his plans, and we set off across the parking lot to where the woods meet the grounds here at the community center. Bryan breezily chats about how the weather is perfect for us to be out on the trails today, not really stopping to hear my opinion as he moves from that topic to something about a news story he read this morning at breakfast. Normally, I’d find that rude, but today I don’t feel like participating in much chit chat, so I’m okay with him monopolizing the conversation.
Ten minutes into our hike, we haven’t seen another soul on the trail, which seems odd to me since weekends are usually busy around here. It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I can’t believe more people didn’t have the same idea Bryan had.
