Lydia offered to keep Link, and although it pained me to be away from my cub, I agreed. Link had been through enough in his short life and it didn’t feel fair to drag him to a funeral. Not only that, but I was nervous that something might happen, and I wanted Link to be as far away from it as possible.
I’d stopped to see Luc before the funeral. The surgery yesterday had been successful and Luc’s left leg, below the knee, had been removed. I tried my best not to cry but I couldn’t help it, tears forming wet tracks down my face as he came around. Luc was dealing with it all in his typical way — with a rash temper and refusal to show weakness. As I left the hospital, I tried to take some of his spirit with me.
Agreeing to attend the funeral had been easy when Dante and Luc had been by my side, but as the car made its way to the church, I felt the nerves kick in. I’d only left the house to go to the hospital. This would be the first time I’d see everyone again in the same room and it made my mouth dry. I had visions of Gabe and Emilia and even Vittoria screaming at me to leave, and I almost told Dom to turn around and abandon this plan altogether.
Dom opened the door and helped me out of the car. The pain from the ordeal hadn’t stopped. Most nights I woke up in a cold sweat, panicked by the darkness and having to remind myself that I was safe at home. I think I would have spiralled, would have completely broken down if it weren’t for the reminder that I had two children to look after. One who needed me to be present and deserved to have a mother who could make happy childhood memories with him, and another that relied on me keeping calm so that it could survive.
As I straightened out my dress, the sounds of doors slamming shut and footsteps surrounded me. The men that usually fell in line for Luc had taken up their most recent job with an intensity that was almost suffocating but not unwelcomed. This public trip had seen Luc place what felt like his entire roster behind me to watch my every move. His men.Ourmen. We were taking no risks and they weren’t about to fail us, knowing how fatal the consequences could be.
“Are you ready?” Dom asked.
Truthfully? No. I could barely remember my mother’s funeral and hadn’t been present for Dad’s, and yet here I was about to pay my respects to a man I hated. It suddenly struck me that this probably wouldn’t be the last time I was placed into a situation like this. Death was part and parcel of this job and how many more would we see off?
“Yes,” I replied.
Dom nodded his head and took off ahead of me. I took in a deep breath before following, heels clicking out a steady rhythm as we approached the doors of the church. Just inside of them, Vittoria stood greeting people and my stomach churned. We hadn’t seen each other since the night of the fire. She hadn’t stopped by the hospital or the house and I couldn’t bring myself to ask Dante about her properly.
Once Dom had cleared the way, I stood in front of Vittoria. Even in her grief, she looked perfect like she always had. Tori was the one to break the silence first. “Dante said you’d be here. I wasn’t sure if you’d turn up.”
Cautiously, I reached over and placed a kiss on both of her cheeks. “We were a little delayed. I stopped to check on Luc.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Okay,” I said with a nod. We hadn’t chosen to broadcast Luc’s situation to the family, but Vittoria would know because of Dante. “You should visit him,” I said quietly.
“I will. I...will.” Whatever she had intended to say was kept to herself. Tori was probably still processing all the news that had been given to her over the past few weeks.
“I know it might not be appropriate given the day and where we are, but I should say congratulations.”
Tori’s eyes dropped to her left hand where an engagement ring gleamed. My own band had been removed and would need to be replaced. Luc joked that it would be third time lucky. I’d told him we were cursed.
“I should say thank you,” Tori responded. “For allowing it to happen.”
“We weren’t sure you were going to agree, all things considered.”
“I learned the hard way that blood isn’t everything,” she told me. “I wish you’d said something earlier, Mia. I understand why you didn’t, but I wish you had.”
There was a lot that I wished for. If I sat alone for too long, if I allowed myself to get too caught up in my thoughts, I started to play out all the different realities that we could have lived. I wished I’d never visited Maria alone that afternoon. I wished that I’d stayed with Luc after Dad died. I wished I could’ve trusted the people I thought were my friends. But all of these wishes didn’t change the reality that I lived.
“It’s done,” I said. Carefully, I reached out, noticing her hair was caught around her earring just like it had been the first time I’d met her. My hand paused at her ear, realising that with my injuries, I couldn’t help her the way I once had.
Tori gave me a sad smile and I saw her eyes well up. “I’m sorry,” she whispered and carefully wrapped my hand in hers, bringing it back down between us.
“There’s no use going over it again and again.” I sucked in a breath. “I won’t hold you up any longer.” There was a line forming behind us of people waiting to enter before the service started.
“I’ll see you soon, Mia.”
Walking down the aisle towards the front of the church, the pews were packed with people and despite the nausea rolling in my stomach, a mixture of pregnancy and guilt, I tipped my chin up and stared ahead. I felt the eyes that landed on me as I walked past, making my skin prickle uncomfortably and every step feel heavy. There was no hiding. They all knew that I was the reason that they were gathered here for the sombre occasion. I missed Luc being at my side. I was stronger when I was part of a team, but I needed to draw on that strength now that I was flying solo.
Marcello rose from his seat and looked at me. I swallowed the lump of nervousness that lodged in my throat. “I’m glad you decided to show your face,” he said, hugging me gingerly. “And I’m glad you’re okay.” Business always came first.
“There’s no reason to hide,” I told him although that was all I longed to do.
I continued to the front of the church and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Maria sitting in the pew.
“Maria? What are you doing here?” I asked her.
“You think I would have missed this?” Her tremor was pronounced, and her words shook.
