Bella smiled back. “True. We do have a long to-do list. But don’t worry — we’ll do it together.”
“Everything looks good here,” Olivia said, switching off the ultrasound machine and handing Bella a tissue to wipe the gel off her stomach. “If you haven’t delivered yet, I’ll see you back here next week.”
“Or you’ll see me on the maternity ward,” Bella joked.
“That’s possible, too.” Olivia winked and stood. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” She left, and Luke turned away from Bella. His heart was still racing. What if he lost her? What if they lost the baby? His thoughts were on a loop now. There was nothing he could do to keep them safe. For a long time, keeping a happy and safe home had felt like enough. It didn’t anymore.
“Luke,” Bella said, “come here. You seem stressed. Is it about the baby list? I can handle most of that while you’re at work.”
“No.” Luke turned back to her, sudden clarity dawning. “I just forgot that I have a shift today.”
“You do?” Bella’s brow furrowed. “I thought you said you moved things around so we can have lunch together. You wanted to talk. Remember?”
“I was wrong,” Luke said. “Sorry. I thought I’d worked things out, but I just remembered that no one could cover for me. I need to work. I have to go. Now.”
“Okay.” Bella bit her lip, her green eyes narrowing. “I just… if you’re stressed or something, you can talk to me. I can help.”
“I know, but the only thing that’ll help right now is working my shift.” Luke managed a smile. “I can drop you at home first.”
“No, it’s fine.” Bella pulled her shirt down and slowly stood. “I’ll take a cab.”
“No,” Luke protested, “I can drive you. It’s no trouble.”
“You have a shift, right?” Bella shrugged as she picked up her purse and headed for the door. “You don’t want to be late.”
The idea of sending Bella home alone in a cab wasn’t pleasant, but Luke needed some time and space right now, so he nodded.
“Okay.”
“See you for dinner?” Bella asked.
“I’ll try.”
She nodded and left, still looking uncertain. Luke took several deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart, before he followed. Down in the attendings’ lounge, he changed into scrubs and headed to the ER. Doctor Jimenez, one of the better residents in his fourth year, was already there, and he frowned at Luke.
“What are you doing here, Doctor Porter?” he asked.
“Working.” Luke grabbed a pair of gloves and headed for the first bed.
“Yeah, I see that, but we switched shifts,” Jimenez said. “Remember? You asked me to work today and agreed to work Thursday for me.”
“Well, I’m here anyway. If you want to go home, you can. And I’ll still work on Thursday for you.” Luke turned to the patient in the bed and smiled. “What seems to be the matter today?”
“I’m twelve weeks pregnant and having some spotting,” the woman said, looking up at him with worried green eyes that looked all too much like Bella’s. “Can you help?”
Swallowing the wave of fear that rose up in his chest, Luke nodded. “Of course. Let me grab a few things.”
He’d hoped that work would give him a sense of control over a life that was quickly spinning out of his hands, but that didn’t seem to be the case. After the pregnant woman with the spotting, he treated a young mother with long hair that reminded him of Bella’s and an older man who, at first, seemed as different from Bella as it was possible to be — until he told Luke that he was a chef at a restaurant downtown.
Every case Luke worked on reminded him of Bella. And the more he was reminded of her, the more his heart raced, and the more he struggled to breathe deeply. The only thing he wanted was for Bella and the baby to be safe.
As evening approached and it was time to leave for dinner, Luke picked up a final case. A single father had come in with his infant daughter, who had a diaper rash. It was completely minor, and Luke prescribed some cream and some time in front of a fan for the baby, but seeing that tiny, helpless infant pushed him over the edge. It would be so, so hard to keep their son safe.
And Luke already loved Bella, and their baby, too much to lose either of them.
So, he didn’t go home for dinner. He sent Bella a text that he was swamped at work and couldn’t make it, then ate a dry granola bar and had a cup of coffee for dinner. He worked late into the night, until his vision blurred from exhaustion and his thoughts were finally free of his fears, before collapsing into sleep in an on-call room.
He didn’t go home to Bella at all.
