“I just came out here to make sure you weren’t planning on throwing yourself off,” Luca replied, nodding his head toward the drop over the edge of the First Ring down to the Second I’d been staring off of.
Annoyed, I turned to face him.
“Did you know about your boyfriend’s tattoo?” he asked.
Every nerve in my body sparked aflame. First Milo, now him. Luca was lucky I didn’t reach out and throw him off this ledge.
As if he sensed the direction of my thoughts, he took a step back and crossed his arms but kept his chin held high, watching me, waiting for my next move. He’d known the question would upset me. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, Luca knew me better than most, better than anyone. I couldn’t block him out. Not even when I was at my best, well-rested and entirely focused on the task. Some feelings slipped through, they always did. When I was angry, when I was upset, when I was sad. He felt it, all of it, and usually didn’t say a word. So the fact that he was here now meant maybe I was a bit more out of sorts than I thought I was.
Shaking my head, I turned back to look down at the House of Harlowe again, returning to my task of seeking out any weaknesses in their lockdown. Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any glaringly obvious ones. The task my cousin had set for me would be the hardest yet. Not that that had ever stopped me before.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I replied without looking at Luca.
He took that as an invitation to speak to me and stepped forward again until he was by my side, peering out over the edge of the First Ring as well.
“Lying to yourself is a lot easier than lying to me, Olympia,” he reminded me.
“He isn’t my boyfriendnow,” I corrected, whipping my head to the side and narrowing my gaze in an effort to warn him off the subject.
Luca, true to form, did not let it drop.
“Don’t talk to me like I’m someone who doesn’t understand what it is to love someone you can never be with,” he snapped.
My anger dissipated somewhat. He was right. Luca had suffered with this far longer than I had. Then again, he’d used a word I wasn’t ready to claim.
“I don’t love him,” I said. “I never got the chance. This whole–”
I waved my arm around in the air, exasperated, and never actually said anything at all.
“I know,” Luca responded.
Somehow, I knew he did. I blew out a puff of air.
“This is so fucked, Luca,” I told him.
“It is,” he agreed with a nod. “What’s Milo planning?”
I hesitated. We were allies now. Avus and Lynx were joined by the matrimony of their Heirs, but Raghnall was crafty and I didn’t trust him. Not that I thought Luca would ever obey an order to spy on me. He wasn’t as loyal to political House warfare as his grandfather wanted him to be. But I didn’t think it was wise to go around the ring advertising my cousin’s plans either, especially when they were arguably unhinged as he’d chosen to continue to focus on that godsdamned journal instead of the rebellion brewing under our feet.
“I don’t think anyone knows what to do,” I said instead after a minute. “Not yet, at least. If Milo has a plan, I’m not aware of it.”
Luca watched me for a second and I could tell he didn’t believe me but he didn’t press any further.
You need to talk to someone, Olympia,Luca spoke in my mind a moment later.I know how important it is to you not to appear weak, to look like you have it all together, but I felt what you felt in that moment. I’ve been feeling what you feel every momentsince. Sometimes it overwhelmsme,so I can’t imagine how you–
I’ll work on my shields,I interrupted him.So you don’t have to feel it all.
That’s not what I’m asking you to do and you know it. I’ll gladly suffer every devastation you endure along with you if it’s the only way you’ll share your grief with someone else. I know you miss him. I know you’re angry with yourself for not seeing the abuse when he was here. I know you’re conflicted about your feelings for the Third Ringer. And I know your Matriarch and Heir are putting you through the ringer with the tasks they’ve given you. You’re stressed, you’re depressed, and you’re furious with this city and everyone in it for making you that way. So fucking say something. Do something about it. Because the way you feel is eating you alive from the inside out, Olympia, and the only way it’s going to stop is if you let it out from time to time.
Silence fell between us. I kept my gaze set firmly on the long, quiet house below. Not a soul had gone in or come out in the several hours since I’d begun watching.
In my heart, I knew Luca was right. I’d always felt far more than I’d let on. I’d thought Dante might have been aware of it, but he never asked. My former partner had known, better than most, better than I’d ever imagined, how to keep secrets. Harrison was the first person in my life to call me on my bullshit, to push me to be honest with him even when we both knew I was lying to his face. He didn’t ignore my outbursts or lock me in a room and tell everyone I was just being Olympia. He challenged what I said, what I truly meant, and why I felt the way I’d never admit I did. But he’d still lied to me and if there was one thing I’d promised myself I’d never grow attached to again, it was a liar.
This city is on the verge of something none of us have any ability to fight,I told Luca after several minutes of silencestretching between us. I turned to face him with a narrowed gaze.Go back to your family, help them prepare, and pray to whatever gods you believe in to provide a miracle.
Luca’s lips slanted downward, likely in response to my ignoring the intimate details of our conversation, the advice he was trying to give me.
Olympia–he started.
