Just before I am able to break the silence between us, we pull up in front of the club. I give Blake one last look with a gulp before climbing out of the limo and onto the street. The building is a dark marble with gold embellishments and white neon lights. Its chic
detailing indicates its expensive construction. There are hoards of people behind red velvet ropes waiting for entrance into this elite club. Music can be heard from the street in rhythmic thumps. The sound builds to a boom and tapers as the door randomly opens and closes, with waves of people entering or exiting. We climb out of the limo and stand on the street taking in our surroundings.
“Are we going in or what?” James says melodramatically and we laugh at his annoyance.
“Let’s do this thing.” I say with a chuckle as we make our way to the door.
Chapter Seventeen
Double The Smut
We find our way in and head to the bar. After thoroughly satiating our need for alcohol, we walk to the dance floor. A song filled with heavy bass booms from the speakers while we move to the rhythm. The guys seem to make a cocoon around Scarlett, ever apparent that they are creating a human wall to avoid anyone touching her. I nearly laugh at the sight because I can’t imagine them all courting her at once will end well. Someone has to lose this battle. A couple of hours pass us before the energy around us meets an all time high.
“Feel This Moment” by Pitbull plays from the speakers. Looking around, I find my group surrounding me while we all dance. Everyone allows the music to dictate what their body does. The song builds when suddenly, confetti explodes overhead as a disco ball descends from the ceiling, raining down on us as we all cheer and throw our hands up. I pull Blake into me for an electrifying kiss. Time stands still as we get lost in each other. The chorus begins again and I pull away as we jump up and down with the song. If only Ghost were here, giving me this rush that Blake has to offer my dying heart. Will it ever be enough?
I need more. Alcohol isn’t enough to numb my aching soul. I need a release from the swirling storm inside. An idea comes to my mind as I grab Blake’s wrist and drag him away from the group. He doesn’t question it as he keeps up with me. Pushing our way through the crowd, I look around until I find our destination. Walking past the line of people shouting protest and profanities at us, I pull him into the bathroom and shove him into a stall. I climb onto the back of the toilet and sit on the top. I pull my panties off and shove them into his pants pocket. Grabbing the front of his belt I pull him close to me. He groans at the action. I unbuckle his belt and open the zipper of his pants. I remove his cock and stroke it quickly before pulling his head to mine. We kiss aggressivelyas he takes control. He boxes me in with his one arm while the other controls his cock, rubbing it up and down my slit. I let out a long needy moan before biting his bottom lip. He pulls away to look me in the eyes. It’s the subtle plea of permission with just a look. I bite my lip as I consider my options. I don't want to free Ghost from my body but I know deep down his carvings on my soul will never fade. He’s a part of my being until the moment I take my last breath. If I do this, there is no going back. It’ll be a wordless dismissal of the only spirit to haunt my existence. I need peace for my chaotic mind and this may be the only way to calm the caged demons that live within my shell. With that, I made up my mind.
“Do it.” I beg and he thrusts forward. My opening slowly acclimates to its intruder. He pumps his hips a bit and then builds his speed.
“Fuck, It’s been way too long. My hand is nothing compared to what it feels like being inside of you.” His movements are achingly slow like he’s dragging this out as long as possible.
Leaning back against the wall, I look down to where our bodies connect. His legs stand on either side of the toilet while he moves in and out of me in long strokes. I pull him in again and this time there is something more painted in our kiss. The way lovers say goodbye with just a look. It’s heart wrenching and unfair. He pulls away to trail kisses along my neck with soft nips in between each.
“Fuck, baby. You feel so good.” His words snap me out of my thoughts in a cold shower of emotions. Ghost’s pet name rings in my ears over and over. Dragging me from the present and back to our last night together. At this moment, it feels like a lifetime ago. My mind spiralsas shame and pain filters into my veins. My breathing becomes erratic while my heartbeat pounds in my ears.
“Blake, get off of me.” I say, barely above a whisper. Things move in slow motion as my vision funnels in and out. He looks up while taking in the ever apparent look of turmoil written on my face. He freezes his other movements instantly and slips out quickly. Holding my face in his hands, he looks over my features. His hands feel like ice cubes against my burning skin. Skin that burns for a mysterious man of darkness.
“Everly, talk to me. Did I hurt you?” I almost want to laugh at him. The pain I feel in my body is not the kind that can be delivered through hands. It’s the kind of pain etched into my soul. Tattooed on the vertebrae over my heart, is carved only one name. My blood struggles to fuel my brain or heart, driving me to insanity and heart failure. The weight of this emptiness is suffocating.
“You can’t hurt me. Nothing compares to the pain that has chased me for months.” I climb down from the toilets and apologize weakly as I push him out of my way. Rushing from the bathroom, tears burn my eyes and my vision strains as I attempt to find an exit. I can hardly breathe from the lack of oxygen meeting my lungs. I hyperventilate as panic takes over. Ghost’s words echo on repeat in my head. Words of love and loyalty all wrapped up in a pretty bow of lies.
Finding a door with a glowing red sign, the words “exit” etched into it, I rush towards it. My name is yelled repeatedly from behind me but I ignore them. I need quiet, hoping silence will hush the demons that play ping pong with my heart. I reach the door and push it open, giving way to a dark alley. As soon as the door closes behind me, the only sounds that can be heard are that of dripping pipes and the random engineof cars off in the distance. I throw myself against a nearby wall, using my arms to support myself from falling over. Vomit rises in my throat quickly before I’m forced to expel it. There’s a loud bang from behind me and I conclude it's caused by the door I came from. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I turn to face whoever disturbs my internal war. Blake creeps towards me with my jacket and purse in his hands. He moves like I’m a dazed bird he's afraid to spook.
“Hey.” Is all he manages to say. I don't know what I can even say to him. My life is fucked up on so many levels, it would be impossible to put in words. I feel guilt swirling in my gut knowing that if I tell him the truth, it would make him feel used. He’s just a victim to Ghost and I’s twisted situation, or lack thereof. I sigh while shaking my head. I can’t think straight. Between the alcohol and my life choices, I’m inebriated. Drunk to the power that is Ghost. I huff out a breath and hold his eye contact.
“My life is fucked up, Blake. I’m sorry you’ve gotten dragged into it. What’s been going on with me…it all started before you. You don't deserve it. Just go and save yourself from my self destructive path I seem to be heading down.” I nearly cry out in frustration. I just want to be alone again. I can’t keep doing this. Hoping for something that is just out of reach for a person like me.
“Hold up. You have not even given me the choice to decide for myself. You basically fuck me in the middle of the club, then start dragging me away to the bathroom, before taking off without an explanation. I have stood by you since all this shit started. I did not run when you told me about your past and I do not plan to start now. So do not insult me by assuming you know what I want. Give me the chance to choose for myself.” Hebreathes a long breath that he's been holding on. Frustration is evident in his tone and it's warranted, but he wants the truth so I’m going to give it to him. All or nothing right? I can be the person for him that Ghost refused to be. Nodding my head, I take a breath and sit down on the cold damp ground.
“A little more than a year ago, I met someone under less than ideal terms. I hated him in the beginning, to say the least. He was arrogant, evasive, and he was constantly challenging me. He got under my skin. No, he burrowed his way into me. Into every part of me, into the deepest parts of my being. I fought it, I really tried. No matter what I did, he claimed another part of me until I was only his to torture slowly. My mind, body, and soul was his. The worst part of it all? He told me he loved me.”
“That’s a bad thing?” He wonders with a head tilt, reminding me of Ghost. I look away like it stings to see.
“It’s the worst thing to happen. To tell me he desires me in such an unconditional kind of way that kills me every time he leaves. That’s exactly what he did, by the way. He refused to give me more and left me. They always do. I am never good enough. Never enough to love entirely.”
“Everly, you are the easiest human to love. You will always be enough.” I almost roll my eyes at him but refrain and continue my tangent.
“Do you know what that’s like? To crave someone’s entire existence and never be able to truly touch them? Just the wisps of their essence in your fingertips, never close enough to reach out and hold on?”
“Yes.” He speaks in such a way that carries more weight than he lets on. I take a card from Ghost’s play book and tilt my head, beckoning him to continue.
“She was my first mark. I was groomed my entire life to kill her. From the time I could walk, I was told she was my worst enemy. My training was constantly changing to match hers. It was not until my first outing that I saw her for the first time. She was sitting on a blanket at the park with her friends. One of them said something funny and she laughed. It was the most beautiful noise to ever have been made. I swear my heart skipped a beat when I heard it. Her hair blew a bit in the wind and I felt like the air got kicked from my lungs. She was perfect, in every sense of the word. From the dress she wore to the peaking skin she showed, I was enamored. I fell in love at that moment but never allowed myself to enjoy that feeling for long. A job is a job. Years went by that I watched her become a powerhouse of a woman that gained a reputation to match.”
“What happened?” I ask, still absorbing his story.
“Too many mistakes. I tried killing her but my hands defied me. I could not take her life. She was the reason for my existence and without her, I served no purpose in this world. I needed her and it was not until later that I found out how badly we needed each other. I found a way into her life when I had no business doing so. That was the only mistake that I have ever made with her. Promising her a man, I could never be. In the end, I lost her. I finished the job, no matter if it cost me more than I had to offer.” His voice almost trembles at the memory. To kill the love of your life, would be the worst kind of torture. I ponder on the idea that if Ghost had successfully killed me on that rooftop, I would be at peace rather than in turmoil. Plagued by each breath I take. Blake’s history pullsat my heart. Knowing he had to stand by his duties regardless of the consequences that follow him everyday. I reach out my hand for his. He takes it without hesitation. We share this moment as two lost souls, broken by our love for another.
“I wanted to show you something. Would you be willing to come with me? It is a bit of a drive.” I nod in response and we walk towards the limo, hand in hand. The drive takes about thirty minutes before we turn down a dark road. My intrusive thoughts drag me to the idea that Blake is actually a serial killer planning to make me his next victim. What a way to go.
