Maybe he was trying to think of a way to gently shut down the idea or discourage my enthusiasm.
Maybe he thought this was too fast.
“Are you saying you’re ready to get married?” I couldn’t read his tone.
“Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying.”
The blank look on his face strangled the air out of me. I needed more from him. Some kind of confirmation that he was ready, too. Or a smile? A twitch? Something!
My insecurities broke the dam around my lips. “Listen, I know Isound crazy because you haven’t even officially asked me to marry you, but we’ve talked about it so many times. And I keep thinking I should heal more or do more therapy to be ready for you, but honestly, I just want to come as I am. We love each other and I want to be with you more than I want my next breath. And the girls miss you and Cade like crazy. They are constantly asking me when we are going back to the ranch. And if we just make everything official, they will be so happy. And I’ll be happy. And maybe getting married is pushing things too far too quickly, but I don’t want to say goodnight anymore. I want to fall asleep with you and make your cup of coffee in the morning and?—”
“Hollie.”
I stopped.
“Can I call you right back? I need to do something real quick.”
Blood drained from my face like someone had pulled the plug in a bathtub. Instantly, I felt lightheaded with dread. My tongue stuck in my mouth. “Um, yeah, okay.”
“I promise I’ll call you right back.” Then he hung up.
The garage went dead quiet and suddenly felt so cold. A shiver passed over my body as I quaked with anxiety. What did he have to do? Jesse hadneverjust ended a phone call like that. He let me go in the middle of me bearing my soul, confessing that I wanted to fall asleep with him every night. Right at the apex of my vulnerability. Why would he do that?
I must’ve really freaked him out.
For five long minutes, I waited, trying to talk myself off the edge of an emotional cliff. I didn’t want to completely spiral. Maybe he needed to use the bathroom or something. Maybe he heard a funny noise and he was checking it out. But my heart beat inside my throat and my stomach twisted and turned like I could be getting a stomach bug.
Finally, my phone buzzed on the wooden steps, the sound cutting through the oppressive quiet. It was just a regular call, not Facetime. With shaking hands, I answered. My voice scraped. “Hey.”
“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting. Can you do me a favor?”
“What is it?”
“I need you to pick me up from the Denver airport tomorrow at around 7:15 a.m.”
“What?!” The word echoed off the walls. “Are you serious?”
He chuckled. “Yep.”
My head struggled to switch gears after the extreme whiplash. “You’re cominghere? Why?”
“Because I need to ask you a question.”
A question? Surely he didn’t mean…I slapped a hand over my lips, every single organ in my body jumping and bucking with feelings. All that came out of my mouth was his name. “Jesse!”
“Yes?”
In a chokehold, I wheezed. “What question? Can’t you ask me now?”
The smile in his voice infused his words with so much tenderness. “This isn’t a question I can ask over the phone. Can you be there?”
“Yes,” I choked out. “I’ll be there.”
“I’m going to let you go then. I have a few things to arrange before I go to bed.”
That was it? We weren’t even going to talk more?
“Okay.” My voice was a whisper.
