Pulling his mouth away, he leaned down to drop his lips to my shoulder. I arched into him as his hands gripped my ribcage and directed me toward the tailgate. He mumbled something into the crook of my neck, stepping me backward until he could reach thehandle. The tailgate came down with a loudthudand he lifted me like I weighed nothing.
Jesse’s tendency to set me on things? I loved it.
Settling onto the tailgate, I wrapped my legs around him and we got lost for a long time. I forgot who I was as Jesse lavished toe-curling kisses on my lips, neck, and shoulders.
Kissing. A big umbrella, right?
I kept thinking the intensity would wane, but it never did. Our agreement to just kiss was a wise one for many, many reasons but pulling the brakes while racing downhill would be easier said than done. Rebellious, my fingers found the hem of his shirt, seeking skin.
“Hollie,” his voice was a desperate rasp over my ear. “I’m not strong enough.”
My chuckle was gasping, breathless. “Are you—suggesting I am?”
His lips grazed the tip of my ear, his breaths heavy and labored, then he set his forehead on mine. “I’ll take you right in the bed of this truck if we don’t slow down.”
A whine traveled up from my throat.
Did he have to make that sound so appealing?
I wanted to be with Jesse more than I wanted my next breath. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be considerate and generous in physical intimacy. And it had beensolong since I’d been touched, that I was practically starving. If he thought I was the stronger one in this matter, he was wrong. My eyes rolled back as his kisses roamed my neck again, and I choked out, my fingers gripping the soft material of his polo shirt. “It’s been almost six years.”
He pulled away to look me in the eyes. “Since what?”
Over six years ago, Garrett found Kayleigh and he stopped needing me to fulfill all his fantasies. But I didn’t say that out loud. I didn’t want to talk about Garrett right now. So I said, “Since he lost interest in me.”
He frowned, disbelieving. “You mean he stopped sleeping with you?”
I nodded.
Deep lines etched into his forehead as his eyes softened with compassion. “It’s been that long?”
I nodded again, embarrassed but craving honesty.
He sighed, hanging his head until his lips brushed my forehead. His whisper softly murmured, “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
“That you’ve been hurt in every way.” His hand rubbed up and down my spine, slipping his fingers beneath straps to do so. “I wish I could fix it somehow.”
He already was. I blinked as that thought brought heat to my nose and eyes. Jesse had become the catalyst in my healing, hadn’t he? In four short weeks, the words he’d spoken over me had become the new framework for my soul. Ultimately, he couldn’t fix all the pain, but he could hold space while I faced it, which was exactly what he’d been doing all along. I squeezed him. “You already are. You’ve helped me in more ways than you will ever know. So please don’t apologize.” I tugged against his strength, wanting his weight over me. “All that to say, the truck bed sounds great.”
Jesse groaned even as he softly laughed. “Hollie.”
“I’m okay with it.”
He laid a finger over my lips, gently shushing me. “I know, but…I need to be the man I want my son to be. I’m teaching him to wait for his wife.” His throat pulled with a swallow as his eyes fluttered closed. “I can’t tell Cade to wait but have you the first chance I get.”
I nodded, dying inside.
“I should be waiting for my wife, too.”
My body pulsed with need as I denied my craving for him. I couldn’t fault Jesse for wanting to be a good dad, but damn, I wanted him. I had never wanted a man more than I did right now. The distance he put between us made me feel queasy.
He leaned over my ear, a smile tugging at his cheeks. “Plus, the first time I love you, it’ll be intentional.” He pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “Not like this in the bed of my work truck.”
Two words hit my brain with the force of a dam break.
First time.
