For a few long minutes, we cried, holding each other. And the pieces of my heart that could only be healed bythisslowly knitted back together. When we pulled away from each other, she swiped her eyes with a finger. “I needed that.”
I huffed a laugh. “Me too. Where’s your Kleenex pack when we need it?”
She chuckled, a smile bringing light and warmth to her eyes. “So, can you update me? Where is Garrett? What’s going on?”
For the next twenty minutes, I told her about Garrett and Kayleigh, my upcoming customer service job, and how I wasn’t sure whether to stay in the house or sell it and get an apartment.
“Can I make a suggestion?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“Come home. Estelle is the only one there right now. We’ve got all those empty bedrooms, you wouldn’t have to pay a thing. You can stash whatever cash you make and wouldn’t have to make any big decisions right now.”
I stifled my need to cry at the thought. “You’d be okay with that?”
“Oh, honey, we would welcome the chance to help you!”
I can go home.
The idea hit my heart with such velocity, I could scarcely breathe.
Suddenly, the seventeen year-old still trapped inside me, ached so badly for the time lost with her parents that I wanted to crumble onto the porch and weep. Living away from our home would give me ample time to heal. I imagined late nights talking with dad while he smoked his cigar and prepping Sunday breakfasts with my mother.
I wanted that.
I wanted to go home.
But what about Jesse?
The fragile hope in my heart crashed to the ground. And I suddenly felt sick with longing for him. My eyes, without my permission, darted to the barnyard, wishing I could see through the barn to the arena beyond, where I knew he was probably working.
One blink of my eyes took me back to all the moments we’d shared together over the last four weeks. Him bandaging my fingers, the dances, the kisses, the late nights, and laughter with the kids. I’d spent days holed up in his cabin—the cabin he offered to give up for me.
Mom’s voice was gentle. “But you’re in love, aren’t you?”
I closed my swollen eyelids, refusing to cry again. “I don’t know what I am. Confused, I guess.”
“Bea told me he’s a good man.”
“One of the best I’ve ever met.”
“Has he asked you to stay?”
“He offered to move into the bunkhouse with his son so the girls and I have a place to live.”
“So,helovesyou.”
I remembered his sleepy voice.I might…love you.“He has feelings for me, but I don’t know if they’re love. It doesn’t matter though. I can’t stay.”
“Why not?”
I took a few minutes to explain the parenting agreement Garrett and I made. “If I randomly move from Colorado, he could say I kidnapped the girls. If I truly want to move, I’ll have to go through the court system first and file for a modification in our custody arrangement.”
“Do you think you’ll do that?”
I huffed. “I don’t know. I need to think about it. If something changes and he wants to keep seeing them every other weekend, Mom, I won’t take that from my girls. Not for anyone, not even Jesse—no matter how much I might want to.” She reached over to rub my arm, her eyes softening with understanding. My voice trembled. “Ifwe still had joint custody but Imoved, the girls would only see him a couple times a year. They deserve more than that. And Jesse…” I choked down my tears. “He deserves someone who is free to love him back.”
“You’re not?”
