She rolled her eyes, her foot lightly stamping the barn’s dirty floor. “You are very nosy, Jesse.”
“I definitely am.”
“I can’t talk to you about this stuff. When we talk, I…” She shook her head like she wasn’t sure where to take her train of thought. “I end up sharing too much.”
“Nothing wrong with sharing. You’re getting that practice in.”
She huffed, clearly at war within herself. “Itiswrong.”
I frowned, confused. “Why?”
She blurted, “Because I’m getting emotionally entangled with you, Jesse.”
I stilled at her words.Emotionally entangled.My heart lurched with hope then dread as I came to grips with two truths that couldn’t peacefully coexist. She didn’t want to have feelings for me. But I had jumped—head first on the deep end—into feelings for her.
She continued, “And maybe you can afford that distraction in your life, but I—I can’t. So I need you to—to stop being nice to me and checking in on me and—and seeking me out.” Her face turned red with suppressed emotion. “And just treat me like a ranch employee, okay? Ignore me. That’ll be better.”
How was I supposed to ignore her puffy eyes and pink nose and just pretend I didn’t know how painful it would be tomorrow when she submerged her hands in hot dish water? Sure, I could stop flirting and choke on my desires, but I couldn’t let her stand there and hurt herself.
I pushed, “Why?”
She sighed. “Jesse,please?—”
“I will do whatever you ask, Hollie, even if I don’t want to. But I do want to understand why you’re asking me to shut down something we are both feeling and wanting.”
“I’ve only known you for two weeks.”
“That’s not the reason, and we both know it.”
“I live too far away.”
“Be real. Something upset you. And it wasn’t your zipcode.”
She gave a sudden gasp of pain and her brow furrowed. Tears broke free and streaked down her cheeks. But she still didn’t stop picking at her nails.
Unable to silence the roar of protectiveness in my chest, my feet surged forward and I grasped her wrist, pulling her hand away from her other. “You’re hurting yourself.” In the dim light of the barn, I hadn’t seen the blood staining her fingers. “Oh my goodness, Hollie. You’re bleeding.”
She jerked her hands away, stubbornly picking again. “It feels good.”
“There’s no way in hell that feels good.”
She hissed at me. “It’s the only thing that keeps me from having a panic attack again, so leave me alone.”
Again? My stomach pitched. “Let me get the first aid kit?—”
“No!” Her voice rose. “I don’t want—your—help.” An abrupt sob wrenched from her lips. She turned on her heel, making her way to the door. “Sorry—we weren’t supposed to talk. I was just gonna drop the plate and run.”
If Hollie thought she could waltz into the barn self-harming and I would simply bid her goodnight, she was sorely mistaken. I caught up and grasped her elbow. “You are not leaving like this.”
She sniffled.
“Look, let me help your fingers then I’ll give you a wide berth. You won’t have to talk to me again while you’re here if you don’t want to. Sound good?”
She stilled, thinking through her options.
I gave her elbow a gentle tug back to the barn. “Come on. You need some ointment and bandaids.”
Slowly, she turned, her head hanging.
