“So much. It…it makes me very angry.”
“You don’t sound angry. You sound heartbroken.”
I barked a laugh even though the situation wasn’t funny at all. “I can’t be angry all the time. Been there, done that. Anger drains too much energy.”
“So does heartbreak.”
“True.” I shook my head, dragging my thumb across the top of my nail. “I’m heartbroken for my daughters. They might spend their whole life wondering why he didn’t love them. And…” A sudden lump rose to my throat. When I tried to push it down, it rose higher. My brow twisted. “I never want…” My voice cracked, the emotions having their way with my voice. I turned my face away and whispered, “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Hollie.”
I waved my hand in a circle. “I haven’t talked about it much. It’s hard.”
“You can keep talking or stop. Up to you.”
I nodded, taking a slow deep breath and blinking repeatedly. Sniffing, I said, “I told Bea a lot of this last week. But most of my family doesn’t even know I got divorced, so I’m not used to being…open.”
“Look at you practicing.” He tapped my knee with the back of his hand, his voice gentle and encouraging. “You even have a willing victim.”
My brow furrowed as I tried to remember why his words sounded familiar. Then I recalled our conversation in the emergency room. While we waited with Cade, he had said,“Facing the hard things takes practice.”
I smiled then. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
Jesse dove right back in. “Does he help you out at all?”
“Like, financially?”
“With anything.”
“He’s supposed to but doesn’t. I homeschool?—”
“No way.” He looked impressed.
“Yep. I don’t want to stop either, but I have to get a job at some point, I guess. And I’m running out of time to enroll them somewhere. But, I figured I’d spend my free time here filling out job applications and finding a school to enroll the girls in.”
He hummed in understanding. “Why homeschooling?”
“Well, by the time Nora was born, I realized my girls were the only people I had in the world. And I wanted to keep them close.” I lifted a shoulder. “Plus, it was the only desire I didn’t have to fight Garrett on. He wouldn’t let me have a career or even a volunteer position for that matter, but helovedthe idea of me homeschooling.”
“Why is that?”
A laugh came from my throat, but I wasn’t sure why. “Probably because Garrett likes his womendependent.”
Jesse grimaced. “Women?”
I hadn’t even realized I’d used the plural. Heat bloomed into my cheeks and my gaze cut to the grass below my feet. “Uh, yeah. He’s a buffet kind of guy.” My forced smile faltered.
“I’m sorry, Hollie.” His voice was quiet. “That must’ve been incredibly painful.”
The acknowledgement sent tears straight to my eyes. My exhale shuddered. “A little.”
“Is that why you got divorced? He cheated?”
“Not really.” I couldn’t lift my eyes as shame crawled up my neck. Ifocused on the pain in my stinging fingernails instead of the pain in my words. “He filed. After all we went through together, he found someone else. And she must be pretty great because hefinallypulled the plug on his Christmas-card family.” I shook my head with a huff. “Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Because, knowing me, I probably would’ve stayed forever. Because I’m a”—I laughed again and instantly wished I hadn’t—“coward, apparently.” Plastering on a brave face, I tried for levity. “How’s that for practice?”
Instead of responding, Jesse reached over and tugged my left hand into his lap. Wordlessly, he wrapped his untouched napkin around my index finger and gently squeezed my cuticle. I hissed a sharp breath of pain, mortified I hadn’t realized I was bleeding. I swiped the tips of my right-hand fingers over my shorts, hoping there wasn’t blood all over me. A deep tremble in my core sent a shudder through my body as I fought away all the sour memories of Garrett.
Finally, Jesse said, “You’re doing great, Hollie.”
