Heat flew to my cheeks. I wore a fitted t-shirt that had a big wet spot on the front from dish duty. My hair stuck to my neck from being in the garden earlier, and there was still dirt on the back of my shorts, which, come to think of it, I’m sure he noticed. “You’re insane. I’m a mess.”
His gaze burned my skin. “My kind of mess then.”
I couldn’t breathe. Jack was looking at me the way he had hundreds of times before. If we were for real married, he’d be caging me against the counter top right about now.
“Saying stuff like that just makes this harder.”
“But it’s how I feel.”
I sucked in a shallow breath. “We’ve been over this Jack. You and me are about Kacey now.”
“I need to talk to you about that.”
“Alright then.”
“I’ve been thinking about the conversation we had. You were right. Everything you said in the garden. I’m starting to see how I hurt you and”—his chest expanded with a deepbreath—“I’m sorry, Miranda. I can’t change everything that’s happened, but I am trying to change me.”
The hope that instantaneously blazed to life in my heart was silly. Premature at best. Unfounded at worst. I did my best to squelch it. Hoping for change would only complicate things. If I returned to Jack’s arms it would be my own fault when my heart was broken again.
I tried to keep that front and center in my brain.
He continued. “I realized something. I was wondering if I love you too much. Wondering if I needed to chill out, tone it down, maybe even let you go. But the truth is—I don’t love youenough, Miranda. I still love myself more, which is why I do dumb stuff like walk away when you need me. Because that protects me from things I don’t like facing.”
I blinked a few times.
“But that’s not love.” He moved around the counter.
I placed a hand over my heart.
“I don’t have all the answers and I don’t know how to fix my severe allergy to negative feelings, but I’m working on it. For you and Kacey. And for me.” He stepped closer. “But there is something I need to be upfront about. Something you need to know.”
The look in his eyes made it hard to inhale.
“As long as you are in my house, under my roof, I refuse to lay off. I’m always going to be working on loving my wife. You don’t have to reciprocate. You don’t even have to like it. Because whether you want it or not, I’m going to make you see how much I love you.”
He stopped two feet away and braced one hand against the edge of the countertop behind me. He leaned in and used the other hand to cup my cheek. His voice was hoarse, quiet. “I have no intention of hiding how I feel to make this easier for us.”
Freaking air. Where is it?
I sucked in a shallow breath, turning my head to the side. I didn’t have the courage to look into his eyes. “Jack, we didn’t agree to this.”
“It was a stupid agreement and you know it. We weren’t capable of doing this without feelings involved.”
“I—I don’t have feelings.” Flimsy. We both knew it.
He dragged the back of his hand across my cheek, and I shivered. “Whatever you say.”
He pushed away. Precious oxygen finally filled my lungs.
“I’ve got to head out. Put something on your dresser for you.” He shot me a confident smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning? Maybe we can have a cup of coffee.”
I nodded, helpless to do anything but agree.
I let myself take him in. Big, powerful shoulders, perfect teeth, piercing eyes, towering stature. He was gorgeous, too. The difference between the two of us was he knew it.
He flippingknewit.
He was assured of his capability to leave me gasping for breath as he walked out the front door, unfazed. If he was of the mindset to woo me, it was going to take a truck-load of fortitude on my end to withstand him.
