When they were out of sight, I dug myfingers into the tender soil and tugged at a big rock. The kind only good for one thing—splashing. I stood and chucked it as far as I could. It hurt my shoulder pretty bad, and a sob ripped out of my throat so suddenly I startled.
But once the first sob escaped, there were more. One after the other. I was crying, flinging rocks, aiming for the docks across the lake. After fifteen minutes or so, the turtles were gone, the ripples had vanished, the sun was setting, and my shoulders were on fire. I wasn’t sure if I was upset because my shoulders hurt, or Mom was leaving, or Dad would be the only parent I’d have left.
As all those realities hit me, the last of my energy drained, and I sank down onto the shore. The wet sand soaked through the seat of my pants.
I took a few deep breaths. Tried to get control. Maybe he was right. It was better not to cry. Certainly hadn’t made me feel any better.
FORTY-FIVE
Miranda
Iwas washing the dinner dishes when I heard Jack’s footsteps plodding down the stairs. He had just tucked Kacey into bed and was on his way out the door for a night shift. Dinner was awkward. I felt weird around him. We hadn’t talked since almost a week ago, when I basically blamed him for everything that went wrong.
I’d been thinking about that conversation ever since.
Maybe I was too hard on him.
I saw him infrequently. He worked, slept, ate, and spent all his free time with Kacey. Which was good. It’s what we agreed to. But I couldn’t ignore the pinch distance created in my heart.
Because I tried not to hover over Kacey and Jack, I had bouts of alone time. I was in the midst of a decent fantasy read which was nice, I guess. I’d also picked up another virtual assistant job which added a few work hours to my week. Andas always, I kept busy with Richard. Mostly kept busy trying not to stress myself to death.
I didn’t worry about Kacey when he wasn’t with me because Jack was doing great with him. He had to learn a few things the hard way. Like making sure Kacey took bathroom breaks. Kacey would get so excited he’d have accidents—which happened on Jack’s watch right in the middle of a playground. But overall, he was learning on the fly and doing a really great job in the dad role—which of course didn’t come as a surprise to me at all.
And Kacey was thoroughly obsessed. He waited at the front door for Jack and cried when he had to leave. Something about watching him cry as Jack pulled out of the driveway was the knock-out punch to my remaining emotional strength. The fact I had a garden to maintain was the only reality that saw me through.
I felt like Richard—secure with the plants. Silly, I suppose.
But there was no other place I could go where my heart could know a moment’s peace. The dynamic of living day in and day out with all the things I wanted but could never have crushed me. So I found things to do in the garden until my neck and arms were tanner than they’d ever been in my whole life.
Jack walked into the kitchen, dressed and ready for work. “You about done in here?”
“Yep.” I rinsed the last pot.
“Dinner was really good.”
“Thanks. I’ve always wanted to try chicken cacciatore. It turned out.” I placed the pot on the drying rack, turned around to face him, and leaned back against the counter.
His brow furrowed. “But you hardly even ate.”
Jack was worried about me. I shrugged off his concern. “I wasn’t real hungry.”
“You’re anxious?”
I shrugged again.
“There’s a new bottle of wine in the cabinet.”
“Jack, it’s—” I sighed. “I’m really fine.”
He nodded as I shifted, smoothing the front of my damp shirt.
His eyes trailed down my body, making zero effort to conceal his longing. He swallowed, a strange look crossing over his face like he was debating whether to speak his mind.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Then a slow smile pushed back his cheeks and he gave a soft huff of amusement. “Because you’re gorgeous…you don’t even realize. At work, I can barely stay focused. Can’t think of anything but my wife.”
Wife?
