The sound of Ben padding toward me made me uncover my eyes. He stood in front of me, still totally naked, with a wet washcloth in one hand and a dry hand towel in the other. His eyes raked over me sprawled out on the couch, a smile playing on his lips, making me wonder what he was thinking.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
He shook his head, kneeling as he washed the inside of my thighs and the flesh between them.
“You don’t want to know.”
“Well, now youhaveto tell me.”
He continued washing me gently, his gaze following the cloth. I never would have pegged him as a guy that would deliver superb aftercare, but he never failed to make me feel taken care of afterward.
The look of adoration in his eyes made my skin heat, and I swallowed down the thickness in my throat. Ben always left my mind reeling when he did things like this after sex. Washing me. Redressing me. Worshiping my body in a more tender way than sex.
I loved it, cherished every touch and gaze. But it made feelings rise to the surface that were better left buried. And I didn’t know where that left us.
“Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” I said, trying to kill the heaviness of the moment.
He laughed huskily, and I smiled, arching a brow in silent question.
“That’s exactly what I was thinking about. You looked so perfect laid out on the couch like that, barefaced and freshly fucked. I was thinking that I wanted to freeze that image of you forever. I figured asking if I could take a picture of you like that might creep you out, so I was committing the image to memory instead.”
I tilted my head to the side, contemplating that. Something fluttered in my stomach. I wasn’t opposed to the idea. In fact, the thought was sort of turning me on. “What would you do with the picture?”
“What do you think?”
My first thought was that he would use it to jack off later, and I snorted. “Seriously? For spank bank material?”
“Without a doubt.”
I considered him for a moment, wondering what it might feel like to trust someone so implicitly. To be in a place where I could bare every inch of myself to someone and know they wouldn’t be disappointed. That they wouldn’t want me any other way despite my many flaws. My heart ached for that a little. But I wasn’t in that place with Ben. We were friends who fucked, and I wasn’t ready for him to witness the mess I was underneath my carefullycurated façade.
“Are you seriously considering letting me?”
“No,” I answered with a smirk, pushing up from the couch and tossing my hair over my shoulder on my way to the bathroom.
He barked out a laugh, not letting my negative answer affect his mood.
I changed into my silk PJ shorts and crop top, then cleaned up dinner while Ben sanitized the island where I had come undone so thoroughly earlier.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sit at this island and not remember your taste flooding my mouth, while your legs shook, and you begged me to fuck you.”
I blushed at that. “You didn’t mind that little surprise?”
“Fuck no! I thought I might come from the feeling of you gushing on my tongue. If I was a patient man, I would have tried to get you to do it again before burying myself inside you.”
“Don’t tell Brian or he’ll never eat breakfast there again,” I said, giving the tabletop a cursory glance before making my way to the couch.
“Whatever you want, princess,” he agreed. The cushion dipped as he sat next to me in only his boxer briefs. He threw his arm around me comfortably, like he frequently hung out in my tiny apartment for movie night. “What are we watching?”
“You know I don’t expect you to stay, right? It’s against the rules.”
My stomach knotted at the prospect of being alone with my thoughts tonight. It would be nice to continue this distraction. I didn’t think I’d be sleeping much tonight. Every time I closed my eyes, Cheryl’s dead face stared at me.
“You want me to go?” Hurt flashed across his face.
“No. That’s not what I meant,” I backtracked.
I had made the rule to prevent awkwardness and to maintain the casual boundary we’d set in the beginning. But now I’d made it awkward anyway, and despite sticking to the rules, feelings were beginning to bubble to the surface.
