I grabbed my keys off the table and tore open the door, sprinting through the hall and down the stairs and bursting through the building entrance.
Drops of rain spattered my skin, the clouds weighing down the sky and making me feel claustrophobic on my mad dash to reach Ben. My feet hit the pavement along with the rain as I raced toward the train station.
How had I messed this up so massively? I had to fix it.
I spotted him hunched against the rain that was now pelting down in large droplets.
“Ben!” I called before he crossed the street. He paused his even stride and slowly turned back to look at me.
“Wait!” I cried out.
I kept running until I reached the spot where he stood. His hands were in his pockets, and rain dotted his gray t-shirt. He looked down at me, brows pulled together in a frown, mouth set in a thin line.
It was rare to see Ben doing anything other than smiling. That dour look on his face?I’ddone that.
I was out of breath, my hair frizzed from the rain, and I was sure mascara was running down my face, but I didn’t care.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” I shook my head, trying to get my thoughts straight as the sky opened up. “Please don’t go. You were right,” I had to yell over the pounding of the rain on the pavement. “It’s more. It’s been more, but I’ve been too scared to admit it. I shouldn’t have made it sound like what we have was nothing. It’s not nothing. It’s everything. You’re everything. And I—” I swallowed, gasping for breath. “I don’t know what to do with that.”
Tears mixed with rain on my cheeks, and I waited for him to say something, anything. Is this how he’d felt moments ago, when he’d poured out his heart and all I could do was stand there and gape at him?
“Say something. Please?” I begged, my voice shaking, fear gripping my insides.
He pulled me against him roughly, hugging me tightly. “I don’t know what to do with it either, princess. But we’ll figure it out together. No more pretending anymore.”
My throat constricted, and I bobbed my head against his chest. “I’m sorry. I just... you took me off guard, and I panicked. I didn’t think you wanted this to be more than that.”
He cupped my face with his hands, pressing his forehead to mine. “I’ve always wanted more with you. I’ve been head over heels since the moment I met you. I knew I’d never want to let you go.”
He closed the space between us, stealing my breath with a kiss that made me weak in the knees. He pulled away too soon, leaving me breathless.
His lips brushed against my forehead. “Let’s get you back inside before you get cold.”
I nodded, my shirt soaked through, sticking to my skin. We booked it back into the building, the rain still pounding on the cement.
The second we made it inside my apartment, Ben pressed me against the door. His mouth slammed into mine, demanding, urging my lips apart. I stripped off my shirt, tugging on Ben’s, struggling to get it off him.
“We’re not done talking about this yet, princess,” he panted against me. He held my gaze, fingers gripping my hips.
I untangled my hands from his shirt, inhaling a shaky breath. “Okay, let’s talk then.” I held myself still, hands resting flat against the door, the wood smooth on my palms, anchoring me in place.
Ben kissed my jaw, water dripping from his hair onto my skin, making me shudder.
“Tell me why. Why did you say you didn’t want this, that you didn’t feel the same way?”
I saw the hurt in his eyes, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.
I shook my head back and forth, searching for the words to ease the hurt I’d caused. Nothing came to mind, so I settled for honesty.
“This is scary for me. I’ve been trying so hard to keep all my feelings for you shoved aside, keeping up all these walls and trying to protect myself. You feel like everything I’ve ever needed, but I didn’t think there was any chance you’d stay. And I was scared that if I let you in that you would break me. I’m still afraid you might break me, but I’m even more afraid of never truly having you in the first place.”
He reached out, brushing the tears that stained my cheeks. “I’ll tear your walls down brick by brick if I have to. But it’s like whatever I demolish, you’ve rebuilt the next day. If this is gonna work, you’ve gotta let me in. That’s a new rule. No more hiding behind walls of indifference. We’re gonna be real and honest about what this is. Got it?”
“I promise.” I bobbed my head in agreement, dropping to my knees and peering up at him.
He reached out, stroking along my jaw with his fingertips. “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
I tugged his shorts down in one swift motion. “Apologizing,” I answered. I took his length firmly in my hand and leaned forward, darting my tongue out to taste him.
