No. She knew that what we had was more than that, but she had been too busy sticking to her stupid fucking ground rules to even consider the possibility of more with me.Maybe she didn’t even think I could give her more. And that pissed me the fuck off.
Hadn’t I shown her these last couple of months that this was different?
I had felt it. And I knew she’d felt it too, but she was too scared to admit it. And too busy thinking the worst of me to let me explain.
I clenched my jaw, ready to go to battle.
“It’s been more than just sex for weeks now, princess. You know that as well as I do. But I’m the only one with the balls to admit it.”
“Maybe I don’t feel the same way.” Her eyes were guarded as she straightened her spine, head held high in defiance.
When would she give up these stupid pretenses?
She was lying to me. Lying to herself. Too damn scared to put her heart on the line and give us a real shot at this.
“That’s some grade a bullshit and you know it, Eve. You’re too chickenshit to own up to the fact that you’ve caught feelings, and you’d rather run scared than take a chance on something real for a change.”
I was done pretending this meant nothing to me. I was finished with shallow and easy. And I was fed up with her rules and the walls she built around herself.
“Do you even know how to do real, O’Connor?”
That blow hit below the belt, and it took me a moment to catch my breath. My past was still being thrown in my face. I was more than the playboy image I’d given myself. I’d shown her that, but if she still didn’t see past it, then there was nothing I could do.
“For God’s sake, woman.I’ve been real with you this entire time. What we have is as real as it gets. Would you just listen to me for a goddamn second?”
She looked like she might kick my ass, but she didn’t say anything, so I kept talking.
“Last week, I called Rachel. We dated years ago. She’s married with a baby now.She’s a dance teacher here in the city, and I wanted to ask her about taking salsa dancing lessons with you. It sounded like something fun you and I could do together. I wasn’t secretly meeting her. I just wanted it to be a surprise.
“Nothing about us is casual to me. I care about you, and I want more with you. I think about you all the damn time. When we aren’t together, I miss you. When you come over, I’m like a dog waiting at the door for his owner to come home, tail wagging. You own me, princess. I’m yours. And I’m tired of pretending that you’re not mine, too.”
She stared at me with wide eyes, not saying a word.
I nodded slowly, the heaviness of silence weighing me down. I couldn’t stand here any longer with my heart bleeding on the floor at her feet. I’d said what I needed to say, and apparently she wasn’t ready.
I swallowed shards of glass as I stalked toward the door. I gripped the doorknob, staring at the worn wood. “When you’re ready to get your head out of your ass and be real with me, then call me. But I’m not sticking around to be your fuckboy anymore. I can’t do it.”
I yanked the door open and then slammed it shut. The bang reverberated through the empty hallway as I strode toward the exit, away from the only woman who ever made me want more.
A New Rule
Eve
Iflinchedattheslam of the apartment door and tried to wrap my head around what had just happened.
Ben wanted more.
He told me he was mine, and I hadn’t said a word. I’d stood there, too scared to hope that he was telling the truth.
I never thought I’d hear him say those words. But the feeling was bittersweet because he was gone. Storming down the hallway and out of my building, pissed at my inability to admit how I felt to him, even after he’d laid his heart out for me.
Tears welled up in my eyes at the thought of this being over. Of us never having a real chance.
Not because of Ben.
But because of me.
Because I cowered away from any real feelings I had rather than allowing myself the vulnerability of opening up to him. And instead, I’d hurt him. I’d lashed out because I was afraid, and I’d watched the pain I’d inflicted with my words flash in his eyes.
