Nikias met her gaze and simply raised an eyebrow.
She wasn’t going to win.
Her cursed vision would never come to pass.
He could feel just how close Aimilia was, and Nikias would not let her slip from his grasp again.
Chapter 44
AIMILIA
Aimilia spent the whole night tossing and turning. Hypatia’s premonition haunted her, but not as much as almost kissing Nikias did.
Was Nikias right?
Had she wanted to do it just because she was grieving and lonely and he was there? Was it just because now she could admit, at least quietly to herself, that she found him particularly attractive?
Of course, she’d always acknowledged that he’d been handsome, but that was different from what she felt now. It wasn’t just that he was handsome. He’d risked himself in order to save one of their men. He’d used his own body as a shield for her. He’d found that little girl and healed her, comforting her and thinking no one was watching. He was a powerful mage and a very skilled commander, even though he didn’t often have opportunities to show it.
When they were at the estate, he’d never once gone after Hypatia. He’d never tried to get revenge on her or to one up her. Even now he kept his distance. Could it really be true that he let go of that desire for revenge? For Faustina? For himself?
Taking a beating because he wouldn’t even consider marrying anyone else…
In the early dawn light, Aimilia gave up on sleep and laid on her back, lacing her hands together and pressing them against her stomach. Heat rushed to her cheeks.
Yes, she couldn’t deny she was very attracted to a man like that.
Aimilia’s heart began racing all over again as Nikias’ words haunted her. She reached up and fiddled with her braid. She should have asked how long.
How long had he thought she was beautiful? How long had he been thinking about her hair?
The way he’d held her… How he had admitted to just how much he wanted her…
Aimilia pushed herself out of her cot and began pacing the small room she was in, hoping the movement would help her shake off her thoughts.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
No. It wasn’t obvious. It couldn’t be. It still didn’t make any sense to her.
It shouldn’t matter how beautiful he thought she was, or how much he admired her skill as a mage, that still wasn’t enough for any sane man to continue to pursue her after everything she’d said to him, and with his parents’ distinct, very physical disapproval, it just didn’t make sense. There was nothing obvious about any of this to her.
And then, as soon as the thought struck her, Aimilia could almost see her. Faustina’s ghost hovered in the corner of Aimilia’s eye, appearing like Aimilia’s thoughts had summoned her. Not that she or anything was really there, but Aimilia remembered her so clearly that she could see her and almost feel her presence.
Because it was obvious. Not the way Nikias’ love for Faustina had been obvious.
Aimilia’s heart slowed and the flush that had overcome her eased. That was what didn’t make sense.
Aimilia didn’t understand how Nikias could say any of these things after he’d already had Faustina.
As Aimilia conjured her up in her mind, she couldn’t stop all the comparisons, despite the fact that Nikias had said he never should have made them. It didn’t matter.
Aimilia had said several times that she was second best to no one, but it was the biggest lie she’d ever told. She was second best to Faustina, and in their youth Nikias had never let her forget it. And then Aimilia was second best to Marcella, and Gavril’s adoration of her ensured Aimilia would never forget it.
For as beautiful as Nikias claimed he found Aimilia now, she would never be as beautiful as Faustina had been. For as much as Nikias claimed to admire Aimilia’s skill as a mage, that didn’t mean anything, because Nikias had never wanted Faustina for her skills as a mage.
And even if Faustina hadn’t been perfection incarnate then, she was now. Nikias and Faustina hadn’t been married long before she died. She’d died beautifully, tragically young. All of Nikias’ memories of her would be from that short time. To him, she would always be that beautiful, perfect woman that he’d loved first and last and above all others.
How could anyone compete with that?
