She was tired of being alone.
Chapter 35
NIKIAS
As reluctant as Nikias was to do so, eventually he had to let go of Aimilia. They were on a tight timeframe. While magic could do much in delaying the funeral, it could only go so far. They weren’t nearly close enough to the Mitis estate as to be able to take their time. When morning came, they set off again.
To Nikias’ satisfaction, Aimilia no longer looked like she was about to fall over. She didn’t say a word to him that morning, just silently started breaking camp with the rest of them in the early dawn light. Nikias wasn’t entirely sure if space was what she needed, or if it was the last thing she needed.
While Nikias was well acquainted with grieving, he wasn’t necessarily as closely acquainted with the best way to do it. Especially not when he was being blamed as the cause. So Nikias stayed silent, and while he did not ride directly beside her, he remained close the first day.
As the hours went on, Aimilia didn’t speak to anyone, not even the soldiers.
On the second day, Nikias rode beside her.
He waited.
The sun beat down on them through the trees, and he could see the mountains they were riding beside peeking out into the horizon. Aimilia still didn’t speak.
Did she really blame him? Nikias was guilty of many things, but how could he have known her grandfather would take such a turn so quickly?
No one had expected it. Nikias had been monitoring the situation as closely as he was monitoring his own father’s, although hoping for very different results. Surely it was just her grief blinding her and she was just looking for someone to blame.
There was nothing more natural to Aimilia than blaming Nikias.
Whether it was deserved or not. Although—while Nikias maintained his innocence—as he looked at Aimilia’s ghostly white skin and the bags under her red-rimmed eyes, Nikias couldn’t help the way his stomach rolled and his grip on his reins tightened.
What would have happened if he’d sent her to that post? Would she still blame him? Would she have gotten the farewell she deserved?
Finally, on the fourth day, Nikias couldn’t take it any longer.
Their horses’ hooves dug into the rocky ground. Finally, Nikias looked over at her and took a deep breath. Then, softly, he said, “I don’t recall ever traveling to the estate. This will be my first time seeing it.”
Aimilia blinked, and the glazed look in her eyes faded as she turned to look at him as if he was the only thing she could see clearly for miles. Her voice was thick and hoarse as she said, “I suppose.”
He’d gotten a response. He hadn’t been certain he would.
Now that she wasn’t giving him the complete silent treatment, he couldn’t waste the opportunity. Nikias knew justhow dangerous it could be to sit and stew in your own mind and your grief. But he had to be careful. He couldn’t ask the wrong question, or he would only dig himself deeper into a hole it seemed he was never going to be able to climb out of with her.
Nikias said, “What… What is your favorite part of the estate?”
She stared at him blankly, and a thousand thoughts raced through Nikias’ head. He should have asked something else. He shouldn’t have mentioned the estate at all. He should have commented on something banal, like the weather or the foliage or the mountains beside them.
The sound of hooves hitting the ground and their breathing filled the air. There was the faint sound of a quiet conversation between two of the guards toward the back, something about his son.
Finally, Aimilia said, “I’ve always liked the way the sunset looks from the west tower.”
Nikias smiled at her. “Would it be a terrible imposition if I asked you to show it to me when we get there?”
Aimilia took a slow breath. “That could be arranged.”
The hope lodged in Nikias’ chest swelled. Maybe she didn’t blame him as much as she’d claimed to initially. Nikias didn’t dare broach it again, for fear of getting an answer.
Instead, over the next few days, he would occasionally throw out a question about the estate or her childhood there, and she would usually answer.
Sometimes she didn’t seem to hear him as she just stared at the path ahead of them, a haunted look in her eyes. Nikias learned a few snippets here and there about her life before they had met each other. He’d known the facts. She was the granddaughter of the current Head of House Mitis, only daughter of his only son. Her mother wasn’t a commander, but an academic from House Selix. There had been some cousins around her age at the estate, but none of them had ended upon the command track with her. That wasn’t uncommon. It was very rare for two mages from the same house to make it onto the command track in the same year. Her cousins had been spread out at the Academy and she’d lost touch with most of them. They’d lost a lot of their closeness, which also wasn’t surprising, considering her focus had been entirely on Gavril since the moment they’d met.
It was strange to think that for as long as Nikias had known her, there had still been a good chunk of Aimilia’s life that he hadn’t seen. That he hadn’t even heard about until now, really. When he finally ran out of questions about that, he shifted into anything that could take her mind off her grandfather—specifically, their days at the Academy.
