I freeze on the spot. “And you’re not? Why aren’t you ecstatic? This is fantastic news, Ash, so why aren’t you celebrating?”
“It is, Cal. It’s just… fuck.” His head falls to his hands.
“Ash, what’s going on? You’re worrying me.” My stomach is in knots.
He blows out a long breath before he says, “This is a nightmare.” Then he looks to the heavens.
“What is? Please, Ash, talk to me.”
“Okay.” He holds out his hands which I take in mine. “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just come out with it. The tour—it means three months away…in the States.”
His news steals my breath too quickly, the excitement turning to an ache. Did he say he would be away for three months?
“Cal?”
I stop my worrying thoughts; somehow finding the strength to be brave. This is a big moment for Ash. I can’t rain on his parade by getting upset. “You know what? We can’t worry about it right now. We should be celebrating, bouncing off the walls and singing from the rooftops.”
“But I haven’t told you everything.” The blue in his eyes fades slightly. They look so sad, so I hold his hands tighter. “What is it?”
“It’s just… I don’t know.”
“No, you started this, so what’s on your mind. Are you having doubts about us?”
“No way. It’s the one thing I’m sure about.”
“Then what is it?”
He puffs out a giant cheek-full of air. “It’s you, being here, out every night probably and—” He drops our linked hands and places his in the pocket of his jeans. His eyes drift down to his feet.
“And what?”
“I know about a few of the boys on your course asking you out, Cal. Scott’s updates are pretty interesting.”
I remind myself to speak to Scott. He’s meant to be my sounding board but isn’t doing a good job of keeping his mouth shut. I didn’t intentionally hide this from Ash, and if he asked, I’d tell, but why go out of my way to upset him?
“Are you kidding me? I don’t know what Scott’s been saying exactly, but there’s no one else and there never will be. To be honest, Ash, it’s not you who has to worry. Don’t tell me there’s been a lack of female attention while you’ve been away. I’ve watched the interviews, heard you on the radio, seen the news reports with hordes of girls waiting for you to leave your hotel. It’s going crazy out there for the band and you in particular. I’m the one who has to worry especially when it’s all over the entertainment news. If you want the real truth, it's driven me mad watching those girls fawn over you. It’s tough Ash, but I’m still here. I’m always?—”
He raises his voice, “Stop.” His harsh tone shocks me, but then he whispers, “Just stop.”
I don’t know what to say to him or what to do. His hands rub up and down the side of his face. “Shit,” he murmurs under his breath.
“There’s something else, isn’t there. What’s really going on?” I can’t catch his eyes with mine. He keeps looking away.
“Cal, I—fuck.”
“Ash?”
He bites firmly on his bottom lip, so I repeat. “Ash, talk to me, please.”
His chest heaves up and down, he seems nervous. Has he changed his mind about us already? Is this over? Doesn’t he trust me, now that he’ll be away for longer than he thought? Did he make a mistake thinking he could cope with the distance, but he can’t? What the hell is Ash going to say? What the hell…
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
ASH
Tommy’s callhas winded me more than a physical punch to the gut ever could. There’s an article in some American entertainment press about the band, and apparently, I don’t come across too well. They’ve published a couple of shots of me with women in compromising positions. One of them being Dani. Tommy said Bernie is on the warpath.
I don’t know how it happened as I’ve never laid a finger on another woman. Not since I met Cal. The only time it could be was the night we finished the Album. The night Dani made advances I rejected. I’m confused; it didn’t go anywhere, so what the hell has the press got in their hands?
