“Just spit it out, Ash. What do you want to say? Is it something terrible?”
Cal’s trembling voice jolts me out of my thoughts, sending painful knots to my gut. The pain is so sharp, the look on Cal’s face so bewildered, I can’t do this to her right now; not when I’ll be leaving her for a three-month tour around the U.S. with Dani in tow. Plus, I want to see for myself, the kind of shit this magazine has cooked up.
“No, Cal. Nothing bad. Just band stuff.”
I’m a total wanker because I can’t open up and tell her the truth, but I’m so scared of losing her, I won’t take any chances.
“Jesus Ash, why didn’t you just say that.” She puffs out a held breath, holding her hand to her chest. “You gave me a fright.”
“Come here.” The gravel in my throat, grates against my voice. I pull Cal close; my arms are tight around her as I hold her body to mine. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.”
I can’t stand to see the worry in her beautiful blues, but this is all I can give her for now. If she gets to see the article before I do, I know the kind of pain it will cause. It would sting like a bitch if the tables were turned. The thought of her with another guy is the one thing I can’t handle and the one thing I pray never happens. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her. She’s my entire world.
I knock the thought from my brain, it’s only winding me up, and I should concentrate on Cal while I can. I need her to know how much I love her, how much she means to me. Kissing the top of her head, I say, “You know, even though I’m travelling around on a tour bus, thousands of miles away,” I take a step back so I can place my hand to her chest, “my heart is staying right here, with yours.” I mean every word.
“What’s brought this on?” She questions.
“Probably the thought of leaving here and knowing when I walk out that door, I won’t see you for another three months.”
I bring her close again while kissing down her slender neck and back over her throat. Her chin lifts, letting me roam over her skin. At the same time, the unease I felt in my gut earlier, turns into something different—a longing, or desire to cover her body with mine.
“No other girl holds a candle to you, no one else,” I whisper through my kisses now gaining momentum. I have this primal need to be inside her; to show her what she means to me and how deep my love is. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced before.
My lips trail over the heat of her soft, delicate skin when she says, “Ash?”
“Yeah?” I ask against her neck.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
I pull back momentarily, closing my eyes for just a second to swallow the hard lump in my throat. On a slow exhale of my breath, I say, “Yeah, I’m Okay. It’s just—I need to know you’ll wait for me.”
Her hand travels to cup my jawline. “You know I will.” Her touch smooths over my face. “You’ve never been like this before. Are you sure there’s nothing else on your mind? Don’t be afraid of saying what you feel because ninety-nine per cent of the time, I’m feeling it too.”
“I’m okay, honestly,” I lie through my teeth while controlling my hunger for her.
She rests her head under my chin, then sighs. “Shall I tell you how I feel?”
“Always.”
“Okay. I’ve missed you so much and…well, here we go again. Three months this time. Being separated from you is harder than we both thought.” Her tears drop to my thumb, now brushing against her cheek. She sniffs. “Being away from you...some days never speaking. I don’t know what I imagined, but…”
“But what?” I hug her closer, encouraging her to open up.
“Maybe I shouldn’t say it. What good will it do apart from making you feel bad?”
“Say what you feel. Isn’t that what you just said to me?”
Cal glances up, her eyes glistening from her tears. “I’m happy for you, I really am. You’re finally achieving everything you wanted. We should be celebrating, but instead, I’m sad for me, for us as a couple. I feel horrible for saying it.”
“We all have to be a little selfish sometimes.” Am I justifying my statement to her or me?
“What happens if some girl comes along and you’re…lonely.”
“It won’t happen,” I whisper. “Every day I miss you. Every. Single. Day. Anyone else would be second best,” I say from my heart.
“You sure?”
“You have my word.”
