“Actually, it affected Scott badly. His dad told him during his last year of school, which was part of the problem. I think he hated me because of the way it affected his family.”
“And what about your biological father? Did you ever meet him? You know, when you and Scott were actually friends.”
“If he actually was my father, who knows. But no, I didn’t meet him, but I saw him around. Honestly, I’m almost numb about the father part of it. I’ve been so consumed with getting to know Scott because he’s with me so often. We work together now.”
“At the café? How do you cope? Isn’t it too much?” Nanna asked.
“No, it’s not. I mean, it was awkward as hell at first, but we’re actually becoming friends. It’s a slow process, but he isn’t the boy I remember from school.”
“Then we should be happy for you. Gaining family is a good thing, and it sounds as if you’re trying to make it work. I just wish we were there going through this with you. I don’t like you being alone.”
“It’s going well and I’m not alone. Not really,” I told them. “I have Scott now and Angie hasn’t gone back to uni yet.”
I didn’t mention Ash, I didn’t see any point, despite him consuming the last few months of my life. If they knew how much I was hurting inside for not being with him, they would worry more.
We argued a little about them coming home to look after me. I persuaded them not to; explaining there were only a few days left before I returned to university. I said goodbye to them, feeling all the lighter for talking it over. They listen to me and it feels good to be heard. I wish I had called them sooner. Now all I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and hibernate until the day Ash walks back into my life, or at least my hallway. We’ve grabbed the odd phone call here and there since he’s been away, but the longest conversation we’ve had to date was the day he arrived in New York. His whispers told me he had people around him, which was reflected in the amount of time we spoke. It was short, but I’m always grateful for any time we have. Ash’s voice is the only sound that can soothe the ache in my chest.
Most days, I try to keep myself busy, but in the free moments I have, my thoughts turn back to Ash. This is the first time anyone has left a mark on me, I’ve told no one I love them before. In my down moments, I wonder if he misses me like I miss him. Does he think about me often and does he cry himself to sleep as I do? I doubt it.
Thank God Angie and Scott are here to distract me; otherwise,I could drive myself mad. I get a feeling they’ve made some kind of pact to keep me going because I’m never alone although I’ve never felt loneliness like this before.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ASH
I feelas if I haven’t slept in days, but finally we’ve finished the album. The boys want to celebrate, but all I want to do is go back to the hotel and sleep. They’ll drag me along—they always do and actually, it could be a good thing. So far, we’ve seen very little of New York. Apart from the odd bar or club, it’s just been the four walls of the studio, our hotel rooms and the inside of an SUV. I need a break from it all.
“I’m taking everyone to dinner,” Bernie says as we make our way out of the studio building.
“I need a quick shower,” Max says.
“I just want a cold beer,” Tommy’s deep voice pipes up. “I’m beat.”
Bernie smiles, “Okay boys, but I’ve booked us a table at one of my favourite places to eat, so you only have time for a quick change, then we’re out.”
“You deserve to let your hair down tonight,” Dani adds as we’re ushered into the back of the black SUV.
“Where the hell is Brett?” I ask her, looking over my shoulder.
“Jesus Christ,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Get in, I can’tafford to lose you too.” She charges back into the studio while the rest of us wait in the car. I have an idea he’s with Raye Summers. They met the first day we started recording here. She’s in the girl band, Pink Shimmer who are also recording here.
“For fuck’s sake Dani, will you let me be,” Brett shouts as Dani pushes him into the car.
“Just get in Brett, I don’t have time to chase you and your little girlfriend around.”
We whistle and call out to him, to which we receive the finger from both hands for our teasing.
He climbs in the back. “Like you lot haven’t been in love.”
“Jesus man, love? Really? You’ve known her a day,” Tommy smirks.
“The city air has gone to your brain, Tom. I met her the first day we arrived, and we’ve been here over two months. And just for your information, my kind of love isn’t what you think it is. Love is for the moment, and if she lasts in that moment, then cool. It’s all good, Tom.”
Jesus, the time we’ve been here feels longer than two months. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what’s happening to us, but our days are pretty full-on right now. By 6am we’re on the road to the first of any number of interviews or meet and greets we might have during that day. Then we’re in the studio finishing our album before getting back to the hotel late in the evening. The coolest gig we’ve played so far was The St. Cloud Rooftop bar at the Knickerbocker Hotel. We launched the new single there and a few tracks from the album. It was pretty amazing to look out over Times Square while we played. The floor shook, our sound bouncing against the backdrop of one of the most famous skylines in the world. The atmosphere was electric, and the selectindustry crowd who joined us were on fire. I couldn’t take it all in, it didn’t seem real, and I get pumped just thinking about it. We’re living the dream by earning money from the one career we all wanted, and it far exceeds anything university offered. Our music is more than a passion, it’s our livelihood now.
The boys are taking the piss out of Brett, so Bernie takes the opportunity to check on me while they’re distracted. His hand lands on my arm, gaining my attention. “You okay Ash? You look a little down. You missing Cal?”
I laugh, shaking my head. “All the time Bern. All the fucking time, but what’s a guy to do? I can’t force her to travel with me. She has her own stuff to do, that was always the deal.”
