Why is she taking this so lightly? Does she not realise her actions had consequences? How much she hurt Scott and his family? “Why didn’t you tell me this years ago?”
“About your real father? As I said, I can’t be sure exactly which one of the two it was, so I left it alone for your own good.”
“Don’t, Mum. Just don’t.”
“Just don’t what? Why are you playing the victim suddenly? I was the one coping, I was left alone to bring you up. The life of a single mother is not always a happy one.”
I actually laugh out loud at her point. It’s not a valid reason under the circumstances. “You didn’t bring me up; Nanna and Gramps did. They were my parents, not you.”
“It might have seemed like I was never around when you were growing up, but I was there.”
“Were you? My memories from back then are vague.”
“I had so much on my plate sweetie.” Why does she always use a term of endearment when she’s in a tricky position. “And your dad and me—it was a sticky situation.”
“I’m confused. Are we talking about Jerry or the man you married? The man I thought had abandoned me, but as it turns out, I wasn’t his to abandon, or was I? Who knows?”
“I can’t do this over the phone, Calla. You’re being unreasonable.”
“Do Nanna and Gramps know?” She is silent after my question, which speaks volumes. “So, no then.”
“Again, there was never a right time.”
“You’re unbelievable. Don’t you think they deserve to be told?”
“To be honest sweetie, this has nothing to do with your grandparents. The boy isn’t related to them in any way, so I’m not sure it makes a difference to their lives.”
“Scott is my half-brother, Mum, so it makes a difference to me. Christ, you really are the most selfish bit?—”
“Watch it, Calla, I’m still your mother.”
“No. You’re the woman who gave birth to me. My actual parents are currently enjoying their retirement in Greece.”
“That’s harsh, are you purposely trying to hurt my feelings?”
My heart is raging out of my chest. I’m just about keeping it together and a lid on the volume of my voice, so perhaps I am subconsciously trying to hurt her. So why do I feel I have the right to be angry? She’s lied to me my entire life. I grew up believing my father didn’t love me when the truth is; she betrayed him. Of course, I’m talking about the guy my mum married. Greg Williams.
I always wondered why she changed back to her maiden name. I presumed the hurt he caused when he left her pregnant and alone, was the reason. Now I see she was the one to cause the pain.
“You know what, Mum? I think I’m done.”
“Done with what? I don’t understand. I was callingyou, remember? Then you started bombarding me with all this daddy crap.”
My mother couldn’t be any more heartless. Did it never occur to her, I should know who my real father was? Obviously not, as she continues with what she’s bursting to tell me. “I actually called to let you know I’m getting married again, but as you insist on pissing all over my fireworks?—”
“You’re what?”
“Yes, young lady, so you don’t need to worry about who your real daddy might be, I’ve got you a new one.”
I bang the phone against the receiver. I can’t stand to listen for another minute. Taking a deep breath, I wipe away the tears falling down my face with the back of my hand. How does she always make me feel so small? I wish so hard for Ash to call me then. My entire body is yearning to hear his voice; to make this thing better, but I can’t call. We might have promised to message when we needed the other, but the last time I tried, he sent me a text saying he couldn’t pick up because they were about to be interviewed. Now I don’t want to chance interrupting him again.
I phone the next best people I know. This whole thing could be a terrible shock to them, or they might already be aware. Still, I have to talk this over with the two people who know my mother better than anyone—my grandparents.
Sometimes late at night, when I’m alone in my bed and unable to sleep, I think about what my life might have been like if my grandparents weren’t in my life. They have given me nothing but love, security and a happy home. What would I have done if I’d only had my mother? I doubt very much I’d be the person I am today.
“Your mum is one of a kind, and I don’t mean in a good way,” Nanna said when I poured my heart out down the line.
Gramps added, “All we can do is apologise for the way she is, my darling. We had no idea Vivienne was having an affair, but I have to confess, it explains why Greg didn’t hang around. It must have devastated the poor bloke when he found out what his new wife was up to. And they were so young.” His voice wandered off in thought before he asked, “And how do you feel? I remember Scott Knox very well. He wasn’t a pleasant boy. In fact, I’m sure I had to speak to the school a few times about him. He was a nasty one.”
