I knock on the door,not knowing what to expect. Will Cal ask me in? Or will she tell me to leave? Repeatedly, I pull my fingers into a fist then stretch them out again as I wait for an answer. I can’t believe I’m finally here, because, of course, I never could fly straight home after the phone call with Scott, as I wanted to. We were obligated to a tour contract, and Bernie made it clear I had no choice but to stay. I was expecting Scott to lose his shit when I had to explain to him. Jesus knows I was losing it myself while I worried about Cal and what had happened to her, but Scott surprised me and was totally cool.
“You know, I get it, Ash,”he’d said with real calm in his voice.“It’s just the way it’s worked out, and I understand you can’t just up and leave a tour. I’ll explain everything to Cal. It will be fine, I promise you.”
I found a little hope in his confidence, until he added,“But you and Cal—you need to talk.”
“How can we when she won’t return my calls,”I asked him.“We haven’t spoken for nearly a month.”
“She’s going to call you, okay? This is important.”
Worried shitless, I asked him straight.“Is she dying, Scott? Because I need to know?—”
“Jesus Ash, no. Nothing like that. She fainted, nothing more. Look, I’ll get her to call you as soon as she can. I know she’s desperate to speak to you?”
“Okay, tell her I’ll be waiting.”
When the call ended, I couldn’t settle. I paced up and down, not knowing what to do. If Cal really was desperate to talk to me, did I take this as a good thing or bad? Then I kept thinking; the longer we weren’t in contact, the further we would drift apart. You can imagine how fucking thankful I was when I received a one-word text, less than ten minutes later.
“Hey.”
That one small word turned my world around. I didn’t hold back a second longer and called straight away.
“I should have believed you, Ash. I’m so sorry I treated you so badly. Can you forgive me?”
She sounded so fragile and scared.
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Yes, there is. I realise now, not everything is always as it seems, and it took me a while to figure that out.”
It took some time to calm her down.“Hey, I don’t want to dwell on the past month, I just want to focus on our future—that’s if you still want a future with me.”
I remember the pause between my question and her answer went on forever; I was bricking it. I really thought Cal wanted to end things between us. What she said confused the shit out of me.
“You might not want a future with me after today.”
It was the strangest fucking answer.“Jesus Cal, my heart is racing here. Why wouldn’t I want to be with you? What the hell is going on?”
Then she said the words,“I’m pregnant.”
It shocked me; plain and simple, and the“Holy shit,”which blurted from my mouth, was a knee jerk reaction.
“Before you say anything else, I have some stuff I want to let you know.” Cal’s voice was shaky when she added,“It will probably save you a lot of heartache.”
“Okay, but there’s no way?—”
“Ash, please, let me say what I need to. You have no idea how many times I’ve rehearsed this entire speech in the mirror.”
“Okay baby, whatever you want.”
I heard her take a breath, maybe to build up a little courage. Then she said,“Everything has changed for you, especially in the last few months. I was the one who finished our relationship?—”
“I don’t blame you. If I saw photos of you with other men, I’d feel the same,”I interrupted.
“Yeah, okay, but you can’t deny I’ve been stubborn. I should have believed you and I didn’t. It’s just, well, I didn’t know what to believe. Anyway, I want to apologise.”
“You already have,”I added.
“No, Ash, I haven’t. Not for this. Do you remember we promised to talk through our worries and always be honest?”
