‘Are you sure everything’s okay?’ she asks.
‘Yeah, fine.’ I reach for her and slide my hand into her hair, then lean in and kiss her hard on the mouth, but she stiffens under my touch.
My heart plummets.
Something’s changed.
15
CHLOE
Kit’s hiding something. I’m sure of it.
There was an inflection in his voice when he said everything was fine, which doesn’t sit right with me.
He’d done it on the tram on the way into the city too, but I’d pushed my concerns aside then, not wanting to spoil our trip by questioning him about it.
This feeling of unease takes me straight back to the way Adrian was acting around me in the days before the wedding was due to take place. I’d put it down to his nerves about getting married, or the thought of having to stand up in front of all the people we’d invited and being the centre of attention, which he’s never enjoyed – to my subsequent regret.
If only I’d pressed him to tell me what was wrong at the time, we could have avoided some of the traumatic humiliation on the day.
Because of this experience, I seem to be hyper aware now of inconsistencies in behaviour, and Kit’s body language is giving off strong red flag signals.
I try to push my concerns away. It’s none of my business who’s messaging him. It’s not like he’s my partner or anything.
And what I felt for him for a second in the dojo was just the adrenaline of wielding that sword, I’m sure of it. And in the animal café, when he showed his more vulnerable side for once and I felt a strange rush of intense affection for him, it was just because I was in a happy place with a tiny warm kitten on my knee.
I think, in both cases, all those feelings just got muddled together.
That has to have been it.
In fact it’s crazy that I’m even contemplating staying on longer with him. We’re both very freshly out of relationships – serious ones – so it’d be ridiculous to think this is more than just a rebound. A cleansing. A revenge on Adrian and Katya for hurting us.
Having sex with Kit is one thing, but restarting our old relationship is a totally different beast.
One I’m much too frightened to face right now.
‘Who’s messaging you?’ I blurt, unable to stop myself.
I know it’s going to be bad news – or news I don’t want to hear anyway – I can sense it.
My stomach feels like it’s got rocks in it and a prickly panic creeps through my chest as I wait for him to tell me.
He sighs and rubs his hand over his face, like he feels I’ve backed him into a corner. ‘Katya.’
I sit up and wrap my arms around my middle, my entire being suddenly on high alert. ‘Oh?’
‘Yeah, I’m ignoring them,’ he says, waving his hand in the direction of the phone, like it means nothing to him.
But I can tell from the expression on his face that he’s bluffing. It does mean something.
I’m not buying this nonchalant act.
‘Go ahead and read them. Don’t mind me. In fact’ – I shuffle to the edge of the bed, aware that my heart is racing, and go to stand up – ‘I should probably get back to my own room and give you some space.’
‘You don’t need to do that,’ he says, but his voice still sounds strange.
‘It’s fine. Probably best that I do,’ I say tightly, grabbing my clothes and starting to pull them on with fumbling fingers.
