This distraction with Kit is just what I need to get through the next few days. And maybe beyond. It’ll be good to have it in my back pocket anyway. Something to remember when I’m feeling low and lonely.
A shudder runs through me at the thought of what my life will be like once I’m back at home.
Adrian and I have been living together for the last two years and he promised he’ll have moved all his stuff out by the time I get back to the UK.
I’m not sure how I’m going to afford the rent on my own though. My job doesn’t exactly pay brilliantly well. But I really don’t want to have to look for a new one, even if it means an increase in salary. I love what I do.
‘You okay?’ Kit asks me, seeming to notice my distraction.
‘Yeah. I was just thinking about work, actually,’ I say.
At least that’s half true. It seems a bit rude to be thinking about Adrian when I’m out and about with Kit. Though I’m sure he’d understand. He’s been really kind so far, whenever I’ve alluded to anything about my car crash of a wedding or my dumpster-fire of a relationship.
His attentiveness and willingness to discuss emotionally intense things has actually surprised me. He was never the type to be serious aboutanythingwhen I knew him at university. He’d always make a joke or turn the conversation to something frivolous – or sexual – if we ever got anywhere near emotion. It drove me a bit crazy at the time. I wanted more depth from him, from our relationship, but he just didn’t seem capable of it.
‘I was just thinking about how I’ll need to ask for a pay rise at work if I’m going to keep paying the rent on my flat,’ I say.
‘Are they likely to give you one?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know if they can afford it. But if I don’t ask I don’t get. I’ve been working there long enough for them to not want to lose me, so hopefully they’ll seriously consider it, at least.’
‘What would you do instead, if you weren’t working there?’
‘I don’t really know. I guess I’d look for work at another environmental charity, since that’s where my expertise lies, but there aren’t exactly a lot of similar positions I could go for that would pay more than I’m already earning.’
‘No, I don’t suppose environmental work is a money-spinner,’ he says, his brow pinching.
‘Unfortunately not, no. It’s essential work, but not well paid. But it’s not really about the money for me. England’s experienced a significant loss of biodiversity over the last few decades and it’s still in constant decline, despite all the conservation programmes working so hard to reverse it.’
I wrap my arms around my middle, feeling my usual sense of overwhelm when I talk about what needs to be done.
‘Ancient trees need a lot more protection than they’re currently being given and we need to step up the number of new trees being planted too, amongst many other things,’ I go on when he doesn’t say anything. ‘Trouble is, the whole enterprise needs a huge injection of money and effort to turn it around, not to mention more serious support for policy changes. We need to act fast, before the 2030 deadline’ – I glance at Kit now, who’s staring straight ahead as we walk – ‘the year that’s been agreed for reaching the targets set to stop the decline in species and protect 30 per cent of our land and sea for nature. We’ve got a massive job on our hands. Massive.’
‘It sounds like you’re really passionate about what you do,’ he says quietly.
‘I really am. I’d be devastated to give it up. There’s a lovely family-like atmosphere between the staff where I work and it’s so great to feel we’re all working towards a common goal.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ Kit murmurs.
I bristle as I wonder whether I’m boring him. It certainly seems like his thoughts are far away.
But maybe he’s just tired. We were up late and then I dragged him out of bed before dawn.
The thought of this brings it back to me how exhausted I am, and I let out a loud yawn behind my hand.
‘Time for some breakfast and an enormous coffee?’ he suggests, looking over at me. ‘Or are you going back to bed?’
‘Hmm. It’s tempting, but I’m on a tight schedule, which I need to stick to if I’m going to do everything I’ve planned while I’m here. So I choose breakfast.’
‘Right,’ is all he says to this.
‘What are your plans for the rest of the day?’ I ask tentatively as the hotel comes into sight in the distance. I don’t want to seem too clingy, but I wouldn’t be totally against spending more time with him today.
Now I’m getting used to his company.
‘I thought I’d get my PA to book me a private boat ride down the river. Fancy coming with me? You’d be welcome to,’ he says, turning to raise questioning eyebrows at me.
I pause. As much as I’d like to keep hanging out, I don’t want to miss out on the things I’ve arranged and I’m looking forward to.
