And I want to touch her. Badly.
But I don’t. I keep my hands to myself, not wanting to potentially push her away by being too eager and golden retriever-like.
‘You know, the Japanese have a specific word to describe the light shining through trees, which I guess we can apply here too,’ she says.
‘Oh yeah? What’s that then?’ I ask.
‘Komorebi. It’s made up of the kanji characters for tree, shine through and sun.’
‘Cool.’
‘It really is. Such a beautiful language and such an artistic way to present it. They really have a lot of style, the Japanese people.’
I smile at her enthusiasm. ‘I seem to remember you watching a lot of anime when we were at university.’
‘Yeah. I still do. I love it. It gives me all the feels.’
I love how passionate she is about the things she likes. It always fascinates me when people have particular hobbies, especially ones I can’t quite understand. I’ve never felt that strongly about any extra-curricular activities. Unless you include sex.
Which I really should stop thinking about.
I guess it’s proving to be true for me: that urban myth about men thinking about sex every seven seconds. It certainly seems to be the case whenever I’m in Chloe’s company.
As if she’s sensed my deviant thoughts, she grins at me, her expression ecstatic.
Blood rushes to my head and I feel a pulse begin to beat hard in my temple.
Oh man. Something weird and not altogether good is happening to me. I feel properly spun out by the intimacy of this situation.
Maybe this was a bad idea, coming here with her. We’re not partners and she’s made it very clear she’s not interested in having any kind of a relationship with me again.
At the time that she said it, I’d compartmentalised it as a thing to acknowledge but not give any real emotional headspace to. But it’s left a niggle in the back of my mind that keeps winding itself into my thoughts.
The thing is, I like her. A lot. And I’m really happy to be spending time with her again.
But I know I can’t expect anything more than casual, go-fuck-yourself-ex sex from her.
‘Perhaps we should head back to the hotel, before the hordes of tourists arrive and spoil our fun,’ I suggest, feeling a strong urge to get out of there and back to a place where I can regroup and beat away these left-field feelings I’m having.
‘Yeah. Good idea.’ She turns around to face the way we came in, then pauses for a moment, gazing up towards the leafy tops of the bamboo canes. ‘I’m so glad I got to see this. It’s just as spectacular as I’d hoped.’
‘Yeah, thanks for having me along. I would have missed it if it wasn’t for you.’
Her smile is warm when she glances back at me, and it makes something twinge in my chest.
She looks a lot happier today than when I first saw her in the hotel reception, that’s for sure.
I’d like to think I’ve had something to do with that.
9
CHLOE
It’s funny, but I thought I’d want to do this holiday totally on my own when I decided to still come here after being so unceremoniously dumped, but it’s turning out to be much more fun having Kit around to do things with.
In fact, as we stroll back to the hotel together in the soft morning light, for the first time since the non-wedding I feel that maybe Icanget past the humiliating horror of being dumped so publicly by Adrian.
That I’m going to be okay – eventually.
