But perhaps he’d actually be happy about it, a determined little voice in her head whispered. He’d told her that he’d wanted to have kids before Harriet had left him, after all.
She took some deep breaths and forced herself to calm down.
It could be a wonderful thing for both of them. They were good together. They worked, both in and out of the bedroom. He made her laugh and feel good about herself. She seemed to bring out the best in him. He’d even told her that a couple of times in the last few weeks – perhaps not in those words, but he’d certainly alluded to it. He enjoyed her company, and she his.
But could she really have a child with someone who didn’t love her?
Someone who didn’t love her as much as she loved him?
Because she knew, in that moment, without a doubt in her mind that there was no point denying it to herself any more.
She was in love with him.
Completely and utterly.
She let out a cynical, broken laugh. So much for being mature enough to deal with a sex-only arrangement. She’d been kidding herself this whole time.
She’d not wanted to admit it to herself before now because she’d been terrified that he didn’t feel the same – he was so guarded with his emotions it was difficult to know how he really felt sometimes.
But she knew what she really wanted.
She loved him and wanted them to raise this baby together. For them to stay married after the year was up.
But would he feel the same way?
Could he?
She got up from the floor and brushed herself down with trembling hands.
There was only one way to find out.
* * *
Soli was in the sitting room, anxiously biting her thumbnail, when she finally heard Xavier’s car pull into the driveway that evening.
Getting up from the sofa, she went to meet him in the hall on trembling legs. Her heart was racing so hard she felt light-headed.
The door opened and, almost in a dream, she watched Xavier stride inside.
Her stomach flipped right over when he flashed her the smile she loved so much.
‘Hi,’ he said, dumping his laptop case by the hall table. When he straightened up to look at her the smile fell from his face and was replaced with a concerned frown.
‘Are you okay? You look a bit pale. You’re not ill again, are you?’ He walked towards her and put his hand on her forehead. ‘You don’t feel hot.’
The compassion of this gesture gave her the confidence to blurt out what she needed to tell him.
‘I’m not ill, I’m pregnant.’
It seemed to take him a couple of seconds to process what she’d said, then, shockingly, he took a swift step away from her.
‘What?’ he said, his voice as hard as stone. ‘How? We’ve been using condoms.’ The expression in his eyes was wild as he stared at her in angry denial.
Her heart plummeted, provoking a fresh wave of nausea.
That was not the joyful reaction she’d been hoping for.
She swallowed hard, telling herself he was just in shock and to give him a minute to process it. ‘I did a test. It came out positive.’ She took it out of her back pocket to show him. ‘I think it might have been that night in Corsica.’ She dragged in a shaky breath. ‘Or maybe one of the condoms failed and my pill wasn’t working properly again after I’d been ill.’
