‘We’d make it work. We both know we’re not in this for the long haul. It’s just temporary. And it’d make living together much more fun and much less frustrating.’ She flashed him a smile, which he returned. ‘Especially since we agreed not to see other people during the time we’re married,’ she added.
There was a short pause while he appeared to consider this.
‘No. I don’t think it’s a good idea,’ he said eventually, and she could tell from the resolute look in his eyes that he’d made his mind up and was unlikely to change it.
The businessman was back.
Her heart sank.
‘Okay, whatever you think,’ she said brightly to cover her frustration. Perhaps he was right. It might make things more complicated.
But it didn’t stop her from hoping he’d change his mind.
* * *
The journey home was just as luxurious and comfortable as the one out there, except for a strange sort of stiffness between them that hadn’t been there previously. They’d been really careful around each other ever since they’d had that conversation about not having sex again, as if they were tiptoeing around a bombshell that could trigger the second they relaxed and took a misstep, and it was making both of them act in an over-the-top, super-polite way towards each other.
So by the time they walked in through the front door to the Hampstead house, Soli was completely and utterly exhausted from nervous tension.
So much for having a relaxing holiday.
Xavier immediately excused himself and she found herself alone again in the kitchen, fixing herself a meal for one, wondering whether her life would ever be normal again.
She came to the conclusion that it was very unlikely. Especially now she knew how wonderful it could be to be wanted by Xavier McQueen. She’d so enjoyed being able to get close to him. They’d been good together in bed. He was certainly a lot better than the men – well, boys really – that she’d slept with in the past. He’d known exactly what to do to give her the most pleasure and had been incredibly attentive to her needs. She’d never experienced anything like it. And she wanted more. Much more.
The idea of living with him until the year was up, with this sexual tension throbbing between them the whole time, and not being allowed to act on it, made her stomach turn over with restlessness. They’d go insane, surely.
They’d be much better to give in to their physical urges and ride things out till the marriage was up. They’d probably be bored with each other by then anyway.
Refusing to listen to a niggling little voice that told her not to bank on that, she decided to keep herself open to the chance it could happen, but not push for it in any way. Xavier was definitely the kind of man who needed to feel in control of his decisions – and his destiny – so if it was going to happen it would need to come from him.
It would be fine with her either way.
Absolutely fine.
To keep herself occupied, so she wouldn’t go crazy thinking about it all day, she went to see her mum, who seemed to be getting on well with the carer, then went into the cafe to check everything had run smoothly without her.
After being away for a while she found, to her shock and distress, that the place seemed shabby and cluttered to her now, and the warm, cosy atmosphere, that she’d been using as the excuse not to change a thing about it, was sadly lacking. It had all been in her head. A phantom of the past.
She’d been desperately hanging on to her father’s vision for the place, to try and keep a part of him alive, but it was actually holding the business back. Destroying it, in fact.
He never would have wanted that.
She knew now, with absolute clarity, that it was time to let go. She needed to stop being afraid of the future and allow herself to finally move on.
It was time to make some changes.
* * *
It took two more days of Xavier making himself scarce in the evenings and acting all stiff and formal with her again before Soli’s resolve to be cool and indifferent about how their relationship would go from now on snapped.
‘Are we really back to you treating me like a piece of furniture again?’ she bit out in frustration the morning of the third day, when Xavier swept into the kitchen, poured himself a coffee and gave her a polite nod before starting to retreat outside with it.
He turned back, then carefully put his mug down on the nearest work surface, the coffee slopping over the edge as if his hand had been trembling.
‘That’s not what I’m doing, Soli,’ he said quietly, his expression surprisingly tortured.
Her stomach flipped at the sight of it, but she held her nerve. They really needed to address this and the sooner the better.
