“You can’t keep doing this,” I whispered, “can’t keep tearing yourself apart every time you feel something.”
“Ihaveto.” His voice cracked, barely audible. “It’s the only way I know how to survive.”
“Maybe,” I said softly, “it’s time to learn something else.”
He closed his eyes, just for a second. Like he couldn’t bear to look at me while I handed him another piece of my heart. When he opened them again, I saw the man I wasn’t ready to give up on. For the first time, I saw the faintest crack in his armor. Not weakness, justhuman. I held on to that, even as I braced myself for the moment he might shove me away again. Even if he did, I wouldn’t forget the way he’d looked at me.
In the silence that followed, I wasn’t sure what I expected from him. Maybe a lie, to make me feel better, or some broken apology muttered through clenched teeth. But there was nothing.
“What happens after this?” I asked.
His eyes flicked up, brow barely lifting. “After what?”
“All of this. After you find the men you’re looking for.”
There was a pause. “We keep moving.”
“No. Afterwe, Halo. What happens to me?”
He hesitated just long enough for doubt to start blooming in my chest like something volatile. His expression didn’t change, but I saw the calculation in his eyes. He was assessing what version of the truth I could handle.
“I don’t know what you want from me. One minute you’re holding me like I’m the only thing keeping you grounded, and the next you’re stonewalling me like I’m in your way.”
“I told you, I’m not good for you.”
“I’m not asking for perfect.”
He stared at me for a long moment, then let out a slow exhale and looked down at the floor.
“So what happens when your revenge is over? When the list is empty?”
He didn’t blink. “I make sure you’re free, that you’re safe.”
“And what about you?”
“I disappear. That is what you need to remember. I can’t give you anything after this is done. I know it hurts you; it fucking hurts me. It will sting for a while, but you’re going to wake up one day and realize I never belonged in the light you live in, and it won’t hurt as bad anymore. I will never be safe for you, I have too many demons… Some of them are very real, and I can’t risk them getting to you.”
That made something cold settle in my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to avoid tears in front of him. I was too damn emotional for this bullshit.
“You say you don’t want to hurt me,” I said, voice quieter now, “but all you’re doing is keeping me in the dark, pushing me back when I try to be close. And then, when you can’t hold it in anymore, you come apart all over me.”
I could see the shame ripple through him like a pulse. He agreed but couldn’t admit it out loud. I could tell.
“I don’twantto be the place you fall apart,” I went on. “I want to be the place you fall into.”
His eyes closed for a beat. Just long enough for me to see how much that landed like a blade to his gut.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he muttered, barely audible. “I can’t do this.”
I stepped closer, slow and deliberate, until I was right in front of him. He didn’t move.
“You keep trying to carry everything alone,” I said. “Like there’s something noble about self-destruction. But it’s not noble, Halo. It’s just lonely.”
His mouth opened like he might argue, but no words came, just that same haunted stare, the one that said he was already halfway out the door even if his body hadn’t moved.
I reached out, fingers grazing his forearm.
“You let yourself haveme,” I said, voice trembling, “even for just a second. And now you’re punishing yourself for it. I’m not asking you for forever. I’m not even asking you to stay.”
