“What do you mean?” I hear him shift and know he sat up.
“Stupid decision after stupid decision.”
“Are you talking about Leo, or did something else happen?” I see him swing his legs over the lounge chair to face me fully, leaning his elbows on his knees.
“Everything happened.”
“Ok. Let’s start with Leo. The only reason you’re mad at him is that you were on the receiving end of what happened. Yeah, he lied, and that’s fucked up, but we’ve done worse to make alliances with people. Don’t pretend we haven’t. Work your shit out with him or let him go,” Dex says in a rush, like he was just waiting to say it.
“Wow, Dexton. Tell me how you really feel,” I say sarcastically. I can feel his glare on the side of my head.
“You didn’t come to me for coddling. You came to me for the truth. What else happened?” I don’t point out he came to me; I know what he means.
“Leo. Gage. Ryder.”Holden. I leave that one out because I haven’t completely crossed the line with him. Yet. “You name it.”
“Rewind. What happened since yesterday?”
I turn my head to look at him. I need to see his expression to know I’m beating myself up for the right reasons. “I slept with Gage and Leo last night.” His face doesn’t change, just raises a brow. “Together,” I add, just in case he didn’t get it.
“Okay,” he says slowly, making me frown. What does that mean?
“I was just dry-humped and half naked with Ryder in the gym.” He still doesn’t change his expression. Just keeps looking at me I’mcrazy. “Then I told him he had to stop because I loved Leo, and he couldn’t have me all to himself.” That gets his attention, causing both his brows to shoot up.
“Ah,” he nods. “I get it now.”
I throw my hands up when he doesn’t elaborate. “I’m glad someone does because I sure as fuck don’t.”
“You aren’t upset you slept with Leo and Gage. You are upset because you hurt Ryder.”
“I hurt Ryder because I slept with Leo and Gage,” I say with exasperation. Are we not having the same conversation?
“Ryder knows where you stand?” he asks, and I nod. “Then that’s on him. It’s not like you weren’t upfront about it.” How the hell is he making this seem so simple? Now I’m getting pissed again.
“I want Gage and Leo.” Dex just looks at me. “And Ryder.” He shrugs.Grrrr.“And Holden.” He looks at me harder then just shrugs again.All right, asshole.“And you.” He sits up ramrod straight and freezes like that. Not the way I wanted to tell him, but there it is. It serves him right for his nonverbal reactions.
“What?” he croaks, and I roll my eyes so hard I see the back of my skull.
“Come on, Dexton. We had something once. Don’t act like you forgot what it was like.” We never slept together. There were too many obstacles with him living at the house at that point. But it was going there fast; then he was taken. “I want you all as mine.”
He stands up and paces two steps away before swinging back around. “That’s not possible.”
“Why not?”
He rubs the back of his neck, the first sign he’s two seconds away from freaking out. “You have all of them. You don’t need,” he gestures towards his face, “me.”
I stand up and walk until I’m standing right in front of him, careful not to touch him. “I do need you. All of you. I don’t care about the scars, Dex. I only care about what happened for you to get them. The scars don’t make you the man you are.” I stab my finger into his chest over his heart fast before I move it. “That does."
I see so many emotions cross his face that it’s not even funny. “Les, I...”
“Save it,” I cut him off. “I already know what you’re going to say. I didn’t forget what you said to me that night, but that doesn’t change how I feel or what I want.” I shake my head, watching him shut me out again. “And what I want is all of you.” I start to walk away and hear him suck in a breath. I slow, hoping I finally broke that wall of his.
“You don’t get what it was like,” he says hoarsely, and I whirl around.
“I don’t?” I say through gritted teeth. “I don’t get what it’s like to be touched without my permission?”
“That’s not what I meant!” He runs his hand through his hair. “You recovered, Les.”
I have no idea what my face looks like, but his eyes widen. “Recovered? Do you mean sleeping with anything with a dick? Oh, or do you mean murdering rapists? Or do you mean the current predicament of wanting five different guys?” My voice is rising with each word, so I take a deep breath and quote my therapist. I didn’t see her after she said this either. “Sometimes young girls who are raped or molested at a young age turn to sex with multiple partners to deal with the trauma.” I laugh without humor. “I guess the old bitch was right. Look at me fuckingthriving.”
