My biggest shame is letting Zane through that carefully constructed wall. He slid right through every defense I have, and my body reacted to him just like it used to.
“I almost let Zane kiss me yesterday,” I admit with my cheek buried against Dex’s chest. If any of them can stay levelheaded, I hope it’s him. I feel his muscles tense under me and brace myself.
“Explain that,” he simply says.
I explain the meeting in the office, what happened after Ryder left, and everything Zane said and admitted to. I had no idea he became a cop for the reasons he told me; I never gave him a chance. The hatred for police runs deep, and it’s not something I could cope with.
Dex is quiet for so long that I take a chance and peek at his face. He doesn’t look mad, exactly. He looks like he’s contemplating murder, but not mine, at least.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” he finally asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “What Zane and I had was forbidden then. Ya know? It was hot, secretive, and fun.”
“Baby girl,” Dex says sternly, making me look at him again. “If that’s all it was, it wouldn’t have hurt that bad when you realized he lied to you.”
He hit the nail right on the head. The one thing I’ve been trying to avoid this whole time is admitting I ever cared about Zane. Dex knew about my relationship with Zane; he was always my confidant. He just doesn’t know one thing.
“The night I found out he was a cop, I was going to tell him how I felt. I was going to tell him I was ready to tell my dad about us like he had been begging me to.”
“Fuck,” Dex grumbles. “Does he know that?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“I don’t trust him, Les. He might have implied he was willing to share, but there is no way that motherfucker would or could.”
I don’t want to point out I didn’t think Ryder could either, not that I am considering letting Zane in. He sighs, pulling me up on his chest, watching everything play across my face. “You know we will give you whatever you want. Is Zane something you want?”
I shake my head automatically. “I have all I need, Dex.” My body might have reacted to him yesterday, but I’m not going to let it happen again. I won’t risk what the guys and I are building with each other.
I snuggle back into his chest when he starts drawing patterns again, knowing I have a thousand things to do but not wanting to leave his arms.
Taking the time to reconnect with Leo on a singular level last night made me realize I need to spend more one-on-one time with my guys. I’m glad Dex dragged me upstairs; I need this time with him too. I love my time with all the guys, but they need to know they’re as special to me as I am to them.
Even though the aftermath of telling Leo the truth resulted in a massive breakdown, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He knows everything now, including that I can’t have children, something I was okay with until I met these guys. They deserve someone that could give them kids that they can raise. All the guys would make amazing fathers, and it hurts me that I can’t give them that. I’m sure it’s a conversation we will have later on down the road but now isn’t the time. Even though I know deep down in my soul I love every one of them, we’re still in the beginnings of a relationship.
After another hour of lying around, Dex and I finally climb out of bed and take a shower together. He washes my hair and cleans me off, all with no intention of trying to have sex with me again. Most of the time, when we are close to each other in some sort of undress, we end up fucking. Dex says he wants to take care of me, and I let him because I’m going to try to let that part of my guard down.
Admitting to him that I feel like my human side is my weaknesscomes with the realization that hiding her is my trigger. I won’t let her in, so when I do, it bombards me with emotions.
We slowly make our way downstairs in search of much-needed food. When I walk into the kitchen, I immediately step back out, peeking around the corner.
“What is it?” Dex whispers.
“You look,” I whisper and clamp a hand over my mouth to stop the laugh threatening to bubble out.
Dex peeks around and steps back. “What the fuck?”
I look around to make sure my eyes aren’t deceiving me, and sure enough, I see what I thought I saw.
Evander is standing at the counter with Micah close behind him, whispering something so low I can’t hear, but Evander’s face tells me all I need to know. What is going on in that pool house?
“What are you…” Gage says, popping around the other corner.
Dex clamps a hand over his mouth, and we drag him to Holden's office, shutting the door.
“What the fuck?” Dex says again, letting Gage go.
Gage looks between us. “What the hell is wrong with you two?”
