I end up seeing Aubrey later that evening, after the diner closes. She’s heading to her car, hair up, face tired. She sees me, and hope flickers in her eyes.
“Dean,” she yells, bolting across the street to where I am. “Hey. You, okay? I haven’t seen you around in a couple of days.”
I force myself to look away. “Been busy.”
She steps toward me, and I take two steps back. “Is this about your jaw? Did something else happen?” Her voice laced with concern.
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I keep my answers cold.
She flinches at my tone. I hate myself for it, but I need her to back off. It’s for her own good. But being the stubborn-ass Aubrey is, she won’t let it go. “Dean, come on. This is bullshit. I’m not stupid.”
I snap, sharper and meaner than I want to be, but it’s necessary. “Drop it, Aubrey. I said it’s nothing. Some asshole got mouthy. It’s handled.”
She looks back at me with hurt in her eyes, but there’s fire there, too. “You don’t have to be such an asshole.”
I grit my teeth. “Sometimes it’s safer.”
She shakes her head, tears brimming in her eyes. “Safer for whom? Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel safer for me.” I want to reach for her, hold her, tell her everything, but I can’t.
I walk away, ignoring her. The whole time she’s calling out to me, it feels like a knife straight to the heart.
The next day, I avoid her. I don’t go anywhere near the diner. I circle the block before I ever walk Main Street. When I see her that evening out with friends, I keep my distance, watching from the shadows. She looks for me, and every time, I hide.
It fucking kills me.
Later that night, she finds me lurking in the alley behind the diner. She looks pissed…hurt.
“Are you ghosting me, Dean? What the hell is going on?”
I try to keep it cold, the lie tasting vile on my tongue. “You’re better off without me.”
She laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Dean, that’s so messed up, and you know it.”
“Just go home, Aubrey.”
She shoves me, hard. “Why are you doing this? You said you’d never let anyone hurt me. And look at what you’re doing. You promised.”
I stare at the ground, jaw clenched. “Sometimes hurting you is the only way to keep you safe.”
She shakes her head, tears now spilling down her face. “I don’t want safe. I want you.”
I turn away, because if I look at her any longer, I’ll break. “Aubrey, you need to go before I do something I can’t take back.”
She storms off, and I feel empty in her absence. Hollowed out.
That night turns into days. Rising Tension is everywhere…always close enough to remind me they’re watching, always just far enough to make me paranoid. I barely sleep. I keep my gun close. I keep my heart locked up.
Every time I see Aubrey, my chest aches. I want to run to her, take her in my arms, and confess everything. But I can’t. I’m poison, and I know it.
One afternoon, I duck behind the diner and catch her through the kitchen window, head down, scrubbing counters. She looks tired, with dark circles under her eyes. Gina says something, and Aubrey doesn’t even smile.
I did that. It’s all my fault.
I light a cigarette, trying to convince myself I’m doing the right thing. But it feels a lot like dying.
My phone buzzes, and it’s a text from Jax. You know what we want. Don’t make us come knocking.
I crush the phone in my fist, anger boiling over.
