His brows cocked, he looked down on her in question. “Are you certain, lass?”
“Please,” she said.
He moved inside her. She clenched his buttocks with both hands, forcing him deeper, setting a swift rhythm that was hard to deny. “Don’t stop,” she repeated.
He continued to pump into her, not slowing. His completion was coming too quickly, but he knew she didn’t want him to stop, so he didn’t. It rushed up on him, overcoming him before he knew it, and all at once he was spurting inside her, his release so powerful that goosebumps rose on the backs of his legs. He’d been afraid that it was over so quickly she wouldn’t find her release, but he’d been wrong. She’d come just as quickly, crying out as she went stiff underneath him.
—
“Don’t go,” he mumbled, pulling her tighter against him.
“I don’t want to, but the entire house doesn’t need to know I’ve been in yer bed.” She resisted the urge to snuggle against him. She must be strong in this. She didn’t want to be known as Iain’s lover or mistress. She’d worked hard to lead a quiet life free of drama and rumors, and she wanted to keep it that way.
With great reluctance, she slid out of bed and reached for her shift while Iain sighed and scooted up in bed to pull the sheet over his lap. “What does it matter if people know? Are you ashamed of us?”
She paused as she pulled on her robe. “I’m no’ ashamed.”
“But neither are you proud.” He was watching her with his dark eyes, and she found it disconcerting. “Your silence tells me all I need to know.”
“It has nothing to do with pride. I like my independence, and I like being left alone.”
“I want more, Cait.”
She sighed, wishing this weren’t the conversation he chose to have. She was drained from her breakdown earlier in the evening, and even though she’d slept while Iain was gone, this was a bone-deep weariness. She’d cried until she’d had no more tears left, and it had been cathartic, releasing all of her anger, but now her mind was fuzzy and she felt as if she could sleep for another three days. She also needed time alone. There was much she had to think about; much had come to the surface that she’d pushed away for far too long.
Against her better judgment, she sat on the side of the bed and folded her hands in her lap. “I don’t know what I want, Iain. I like this.” She waved her hand between the two of them. “But I’m no’…I don’t know if I’m right in the head at the moment.”
He took her hand. “Don’t say that. Of course you’re right in the head. You’ve had a lot happen to you over the past few years, and you’ve never dealt with it.”
“Maybe ye’re right. But I need to deal with it. I need to think about all of this, and I can’t do that when I’m with ye. Ye make me want to believe that everything will be okay.”
“Maybe not okay, but certainly better.” His grin was lopsided and a bit uncertain.
She smiled back. “I’ve been by myself so long that sometimes, if I’m around people for too long, I get anxious. I need space, and I need my time alone.”
His jaw flexed, and she knew she’d hurt his feelings, but she wanted to be completely honest with him.
“Don’t be angry,” she said.
“I’m not angry. I’m frustrated.”
“I’m sorry I frustrate ye, but I think ye’re frustrated because I won’t follow yer commands like everyone else does.”
“I’m not commanding you.”
“Aren’t ye?”
He pressed his lips together and she sighed. Though she didn’t want their night to end like this, Iain was pressuring her, demanding more than she was willing to give at the moment.
“I care about you, Cait.”
She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. “I know ye do, and I care about ye as well. But Iain, ye can’t be angry at me for being who I am.”
“I’m not angry at you, I’m—”
“Frustrated. I know.”
She stood and looked down on him, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed with him, but she resisted. Her reasons were convoluted, and even she didn’t understand the half of them. All she knew was that something was holding her back.
