“Knowing won’t bring him back. Revenge never helped anyone.”
“I would avenge his death.”
“He wouldn’t want that, and ye know it. It’s time to let it be.”
“I’m scared for you, Cait. I promised John I would protect you, and while I’ve done a damn horrible job of it, this is more than a promise to a good friend. I’m truly frightened for you.”
She smiled despite the seriousness of the discussion. “I like that ye’re worried about me, but truly, there’s nothing to worry about. I know what I’m doing. Halloway is just a lad, barely a man, and I think he’s homesick and a little lost out here in the wilds. Someday he’ll thank me for turning him away.”
“You think of him as a boy, but he has the power of the English army behind him, and that is dangerous.” He took her hand between his. “I’m asking you to please stop all of this. Please, Cait.” His voice broke and her heart went out to him.
“Iain,” she said on a sigh. “I canno’ discuss this anymore.”
“I don’t want to discuss this anymore, either. Just do what I say, and there will be no more discussion.”
She pulled her hands away, disappointed that he refused to understand how much she needed to be needed and to help her people. “What I am doing is no different than what ye are doing, and I’m sorry ye can’t understand that.”
He ran a hand down his face. “I’m botching this terribly.”
“Iain, ye can’t command me like ye command everyone else.” She took a deep breath. “I think we need some distance from each other. What happened in the barn…We both wanted it, and it was very obviously wonderful, but that doesn’t give ye leave to tell me what to do. Ye’re no’ my husband.”
“Cait—”
She held up her hand to stop him because she had a fairly good idea what he would say, and she didn’t want him to try to convince her lest she capitulate. The truth was, she had feelings for him, powerful feelings that, if she let loose, would control her life, and she’d vowed to never let a love like that back into her life. Love hurt too badly, and she didn’t ever want to go there again.
“Please, Iain.”
—
Cait watched Iain walk away while a whirlwind of emotions battered her. She wanted to run after him and tell him to come back. At the same time, she knew that letting him walk away was the best thing. He was angry at her, and it had been her experience that arguing with angry men—especially Highland men—was counterproductive.
She’d lived alone and been making her own decisions too long for someone to walk into her life and command her about.
But…
She had feelings for the frustrating man. Feelings she wasn’t prepared for and needed time to think about, and she didn’t have time to think when he was demanding this and commanding that. She turned her back to his retreating form and headed into the cottage, her heart heavy with indecision and regret.
On the other hand, she’d been living alone too long and was hungry for companionship. To sit at night with someone, to talk about mundane things or not talk at all, sounded wonderful. Black Cat was a nice companion but not much of a conversationalist.
But…
Iain Campbell was not your average man and definitely not an average mate. He commanded one of the biggest clans in the Highlands. He was friends with the English. He entertained English soldiers and played a game far deeper and more dangerous than any game she was playing. To be in a relationship with him would be complicated.
And what if it moved beyond that? What if this thing they had together became more serious?
She would have to leave her cottage and move to the big house, where she would have to help him entertain English soldiers. She wasn’t sure she could do that.
Of course, that was only if whatever this was turned serious, and it would have to be very serious indeed, for her to leave her way of life.
It was a good thing she’d sent him away, for she was so confused that she wasn’t sure which way was up and which down. So she did what she was good at doing. She made enough food to feed an army and fed her special guests, who were very grateful. And when night fell, she waited for Sutherland’s men and fed them, and they were also very grateful.
“Ye never used to come on every run,” she said as she watched Sutherland eat standing up. Always on guard, he was.
“My men are stretched thin. MacLean used to help, but he’s busy rebuilding his clan and his home. I’m short on men and time.” He looked weary and worried. What had started as a way to get a few hunted Jacobites out of Scotland had turned into a never-ending wave of desperate men and women fleeing their country.
“I wish I could do more,” she said.
Sutherland wiped his fingers on his kilt. “Ye’re doing far more than ye need to, and I appreciate it.”
