“I know, and I appreciate you guys.” I nodded back to her. It was weird, being surrounded by these women in the prime of their lives while a big chunk of mine had already passed me by, too wrapped up in complacency to fight for anything more. “Truthfully,” I sighed. “I’m not sure what I like. Todd was myfirst, and only, experience.”
Ollie spluttered in her water. “What do you meanonly?”
Hadley shot her a glare, and she smiled back at me sheepishly. “We’re not judging you, Bri. I’m just trying to understand. You’re a fucking knockout.”
I shook my head. “Not really. Especially growing up. No one notices the girl with her head buried in a book, too consumed with numbers and data to worry about making connections.” I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I met Todd during freshman orientation, and we instantly clicked. After years of being invisible in high school, I liked that someone saw me, the real me, so I didn’t have to worry about that anymore.”
A deep sense of grief overwhelmed me, pulling me back to the sting of when our relationship began to sour. For years, Todd had been my constant, the one person I thought would always be by my side. But once that illusion shattered, it was almost impossible to pick up all the pieces, leaving lasting damage nothing seemed to fix. It had been three months since we finalized our divorce; the wound was still raw and festering, and no amount of alcohol would be enough to soothe that ache.
Instead, I just chuckled. “Pathetic, right?”
“Not pathetic.” All my friends scrambled to reassure me, but shame coated me. Who lets one man change the entire course of their lives?Me. Here lies Brianna Sideris—she lived a lonely, safe life. My mind rebelled at that thought. That would not be my legacy. I might be alone, but I refused to spend any more nights lonely, wondering what could have been. No more hiding behind the walls of my marriage as my life passed me by.
I motioned for another round of shots, waiting until the server passed them out before lowering my voice. “You’re right. I have the next nine weeks off, and I think it’s time to try something new.”
Ollie’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Are you saying what I think you are?”
I smirked back at her. “Tell me more about what I’ve been missing.”
FOUR
“Please tell me you’re not going to another club. Aren’t you getting too old for that scene?”
I chuckled as my sister’s voice rang out through the speakers of my car. Mari’s comments were familiar territory by now. Even though I was the older one by three years, my baby sister had always been the worrier of our family, desperate to solve everyone’s problems.
Chaos echoed behind her, children’s laughter and screams filling the hotel suite we were sharing for the weekend. Not only did she bring her wife and my five nieces to watch me play, but they’d graciously offered to watch some of the other kids tonight so the players and their wives could celebrate a little longer. As much as I loved my extended family, I sent out a silent prayer that they’d all be in bed by the time I came back. Even though we had separate bedrooms, after a full day playing ball, I needed the rest, and the girls always woke up at the crack of dawn.
“No, Mari,” I answered as I hit the blinker, turning into the bar’s parking lot. “Just grabbing a quick drink with theguys. You don’t have to worry about your brother’s virtue here.”
“Ha!” Mari barked through the phone. “I’m under no illusions about your so-called virtue. That ship sailed a long time ago.”
I shook my head as I scanned the lot, trying to find a spot where my rental car wouldn’t get dinged. Exhaustion draped over me, my muscles aching after a long day on the field, but a bunch of the other guys had wanted to go out tonight, and I was a team player at my core.
Even though we only had a week break for the all-star game, I missed my teammates. We spent almost all our time together, especially now that I’d been the captain for over a year. The Hawks got together at least once a week for a team meal, and we spent a lot of time hanging out after the games as well. Our families were so intermeshed, they’d all practically merged into one larger one—the Erie City Hawks family.
But here in Dallas, I only had a couple of the other guys from my team with me. The league sent three of us this year, and I was beyond grateful they’d picked our third baseman, Parker Drobrek, and our new short-stop, Cam Seda. Not only were they solid players, but they were also two of my closest friends, making the trip even more exciting.
“When are you going to meet a nice girl?” my sister asked, her voice tinged with disappointment. “Your nieces are dying for some cousins to play with. I met the sweetest woman in the stands today?—”
“We’ve had this conversation a million times, Mari. Not gonna think about that until I retire.” I turned off the ignition and pulled the phone to my ear as Iwalked toward the bar. “Besides, I’ve already got my hands full with your crew. You guys are all I need.”
Mari ticked her tongue in agreement, even though she’d never admit it. When she first married her wife, Angie, she said she wanted a large family. Ten years later, they had five girls, their house a blur of chaos and love. But as much as I loved visiting them, I couldn’t handle that right now, not on top of the team, all our away games, and trying to manage my sponsorship deals.
“And we love you too, D, but it’s not the same. What happens if you get hurt? I don’t want to see you alone just because you’re too focused on baseball.”
I paused, closing my eyes as I measured my next words. Mari might have been there for the end of my last relationship, but she’d only seen what I wanted to show her. She hadn’t experienced the fights, the guilt, all the things that fucked up my game more than I wanted to admit. I’d tried like hell to make things work with Talia, but in the end, she still walked away, leaving my ring on the counter as she started a new life—one without baseball and constant travel and the fear of being moved to a new city at a moment’s notice.
A life without me.
After that, I’d sworn off relationships, not needing to go through that ever again.
“Mari, I promise, I’m fine,” I said. “Stop worrying about me.”
“Never gonna happen, big brother.” Something loud crashed in the background, and Mari swore under her breath. “The twins are terrorizing the villagers again. I gotta go. Love you.”
I clicked off the call, heading across the gravel parking lot into the bar’s front entrance. Mari’swords flashed through my mind, but I shrugged them off. Ever since Talia left four years ago, professional baseball had been my entire world, and it would stay that way until they dragged me off the field. Too many people never got this chance, dreaming of playing under the lights until time or their bodies failed them. I wasn’t about to squander this gift because my sister was worried about me.
When I pushed open the door to the bar, the air shifted. All the patrons by the door turned, eyes widening as they took me in. I’d been in the league long enough to be recognizable, especially after my years on the New York City Rebels. Even though the Hawks had a smaller following, most major fans recognized me even off the field. Most of the time, it didn’t faze me.
