I couldn’t breathe. The room started to spin around me, and if there hadn’t been an omega grounding me to this Earth, I expected I’d just shatter into a million pieces and drift off into the universe. “Em,” I grit out, voice guttural as I fought for composure. I hadn’t cried in fucking years, and yet here I was, breaking apart like a damn cub.
Emme gave me a reprieve by simply squeezing my hand and stepping away. “I know, Grouchy. I know.” My bear howled inside me, and I was so close to shifting that I felt the magic tingling across my skin.
I had no idea how I pulled myself together enough to stumble to the car, but it was lucky that Emme had chosen to drive. I was absolutely in no state of mind to deal with traffic. I barely managed to program the address into the GPS, while Emme patiently watched me fumble.
Once we were out of the family compound and heading downtown, she started up a normal conversation. Which I greatly appreciated. “How’s hockey going?”
“Really good actually,” I said, settling back into the chair. “We had a new transfer added to the offensive line, and he’s working out well so far. Kellan has a mini-crush on the new bear, which should bother me, but I’m confident in my number one position.”
A burst of laughter spilled from her as she stopped at a red light, a dozen or so shifters crossing the street in front of our car. “You two have a bromance that can never be broken,” she said. “I wouldn’t worry about losing him to another bear.”
“We’re pack and brothers,” I said with a nod, having no doubts about our bond. “It’s unbreakable.”
Her responding smile was soft, and I found myself just staring at her while she looked out the front windshield. “I’m sorry I haven’t made the last couple of games,” she said suddenly, turning to meet my gaze. There was a tugging of guilt across her expressive features, and I fought the urge to trace a finger down her cheek.
Now that I was learning how to deal with the anger in my soul and direct it where it belonged, it was hard to remember when I’d resented her presence in my life.
“You have a lot going on, Em,” I said, forcing my palms flat on my thighs to keep my hands occupied. “And your safety is the number one priority. Hockey isn’t important when compared to everything else we’re dealing with.”
“Not true,” she shot back immediately, and the lights changed green, but she didn’t even notice. “It’s important to you, and for that reason it’s important to me.”
Her statement was a gentle caress to my soul, but it also reminded me of bullshit I’d said in the past. Another sin to atone for. “I know you’ve listened to me bang on about how hockey is my life, and that I need it more than anything else in the world. To some degree, it did save me both in the past and now?— ”
The blast of a horn interrupted, and I barely restrained myself from ripping the door off this million-dollar car and beating the shit out of the impatient fuck behind us. Emme laughed as her hand shot out to press against my chest, and just like that I was calm.
She had magic in her soul this omega.
“Don’t kill them, Grouchy,” she said in amusement. “I was sitting at a green light. They’re fine.” Our car moved forward once more, and she added, “You were saying hockey saved you…”
“Yep, it did, and still does.” I cleared my throat. “But I’ve also learned a lot about myself over the last few months. I learned that if Kellan had died when the witch magic hit him, hockey wouldn’t have saved me. I learned that when the light in your eyes faded as I hurt you one too many times and you told me we were done, hockey wouldn’t have saved me. I learned that hockey is now second to my pack. Every single shifter in my pack.”
Her lip wobbled, but she kept it together as she shot me a look that seared into my soul. What I’d said was only partly the truth. Even within our pack, Emme was my number one, and nothing in the world could compare to her. I’d quit hockey in a heartbeat for this omega, which should have terrified me, but it didn’t. I’d come to accept one undeniable truth: Emme was the heart of our bond, and I couldn’t survive without her.
Before I could figure out how to express that without freaking her out—we were still early days into our healing journey—she turned into the parking lot of the therapy offices. We were a few blocks from Reeves Industries, right in the middle of the business district. The streets were teeming with shifters going about their day with work, shopping, or catching up with friends and family, and it wasn’t the sort of place for heavier conversation.
“Are you sure you’re really okay with me being here?” Emme asked once the car was off. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We have plenty of time to share our pasts, and if you’re not ready, I’m happy to sit out here and wait. Therapy is usually done in private for a reason.”
“Have you been to therapy before?” I asked, wondering if she spoke from personal experience.
She shook her head. “Nah. I wished many times for someone to talk to, but it would have been a waste using a human therapist. What do they know about our world and struggles? But I also couldn’t use a shifter one, not while avoiding the cities.”
At one point in time, I’d considered her weak and untrustworthy as she ran from the cities and her mates. But now that I could look at her situation without the cloak of my own trauma clouding my judgement, I recognized the strength it must have taken to keep herself safe.
To live amongst humans.
To suppress her wolf and her true self.
“I’m sorry you went through that,” I said, hoping she’d hear the sincerity in my tone. “I think you’re pretty fucking brave and amazing to have fought for your freedom the way you did. I wish I had half your strength.”
Physically, I was a thousand times stronger than her, but mentally she had me beat. Hopefully one day I’d be the bear sheneeded and deserved—more than a broken shell of a shifter. And until I dealt with my trauma, I would fight not to taint her with my darkness.
Not ever again.
CHAPTER 40
EMME
Despite my every intention to remain impartial to Finley, I was already softening toward the bear. This new version of him was open and caring as he shared his pain and trauma, rather than using it to turn words into weapons.
