“After a thousand plus years?” I said softly. “I think too much time has passed. I’m not sure I could live through having my Reece again—the warm, affectionate, arrogant, funny asshole who was my star in a sea of rocks—only for him to turn cold and brutal on me. The pain of that almost killed me once, and I had to robot myself to get through it. But there’s no more robot, so it’s safer just to do this mission with him, mend whatever fences I can between us, and then move on with my life.”
Mera was silent for a long moment, and I found myself sinking down into the glass bath, my thighs blocking the drain so the water could fill around me. She eventually leaned forward, cradling her stomach. “I believe to truly move on, you need to wipe the memories of the past and create some new ones. Even if it’s only one more night, it could change everything. Maybe then you’ll truly be able to walk away.”
I let her words marinate in my thoughts because there was sense in what she’d said. “Even if it could work, that Desertlandian hates me. Call me old-fashioned, but my preference with sex is to find a partner who’s into me, right? Surely that makes the experience more pleasurable.”
Laughter burst from her, shocking me into silence. “You can’t be serious. Ever since you powered yourself up to fight Dannie, that boy has been obsessed with you. Sure, it’s presenting as anger, but if you truly couldn’t stand someone, you wouldn’t stare at them like they were an oasis in the damn deserts. Shadow the Second has an obsessive personality to match my mate. Not to mention…”
I found myself strangely desperate to hear her next words.
“There’s a fine line between love and hate, Angel.” Her smile was knowing. “And with you and Reece, that line is so fine that it’s barely existent. Don’t let the past dictate your future. We are not doing that any longer.”
The surprisingly philosophical ending to her advice reminded me of the words Galleli had said to me before we crossed into the Desert Lands. He’d told me I needed to fight the darkness that held me.
Two beings I cared about were giving me basically the same advice, and while they were both probably right, it was still easier said than done. The hate between Reece and myself was deeply entrenched, and it had been around far longer than our love had.
Maybe, in the end, the future would always be defined by the past.
16
Istayed in the bath for a long time, finding my moments of peace. Mera, who had dragged a cushion into the room, had fallen asleep at some point, and I let her rest while I soaked. By the time I emerged, dried off with my energy, and found a cloth to tie around my body until the outfits for this dark-moon event arrived, I felt refreshed. Ready for whatever lay ahead.
Taking a moment, I called some of my battle gear to my room, leaving the pieces lined up against one wall in case I needed them in a rush. Shadow had been quite right before about using foreign magic in this world, but I’d figured out the best way to touch the meadows from here many years ago, and as long as we weren’t too close to the Delfora, my small ripple wouldn’t upset the balance.
Polishing a spot on my bronze-and-gold breast plate, I was reminded that my best armor was still missing, lost that day we’d fought in the Shadow Realm. Usually, I couldseemy items in my mind’s eyes, no matter where they were, but my death and rebirth that day must have broken my bond to that particular piece.
It bothered me because there were sentimental memories attached to that armor, but in the grand scheme of losses, it wasn’t near the top, especially since I had plenty of other armor to choose from. All of my pieces were strong and durable and able to save my life during battle.
Checking on Mera again, I saw that small flames had seeped from her body and were surrounding her with their warmth. Her energy was stronger and more volatile than ever, and I wondered what this child’s energy might add to our dynamic. I expected them to be powerful. Exceptionally so. But only time would reveal what else they’d bring into our lives.
Deciding that Mera would be more comfortable on the bed, I lifted her with ease, and the warmth of her fire cocooned us both without burning. She trusted me and so did her energy. Moving out of the bathing area, I transferred her onto the large pad in my room, adding a few cushions around her to cradle the stomach. She turned in her sleep, wrapping her arms around one cushion and lifting her leg over another, getting into the position she’d told me was most comfortable in her late stage of pregnancy.
Her breathing evened out again, and it was clear that she was tired. Her body was preparing to bring a god child into this world, and all of us needed to remember this as we moved through the mission. Mera’s rest had to be a priority.
Leaving her to it, I decided to check if the outfits had been delivered. As I passed through the main lounging zone, my stomach rumbled, reminding me that I had to fuel that part of my body now. It didn’t exactly impact my energy when I didn’t eat food, but my body missed the taste and sensation of being full. Desertlandians did eat as part of their energy renewal, and I was sure that this event tonight would involve many of their delicacies. I’d never actually tasted any of them before, and I was beyond ready to finally know what I’d been missing all of these years.
When I reached the entrance it opened, and as I walked out, noise slammed into me. The tents were surrounded by energy, protecting and insulating them from the outside, and it wasn’t until I stepped free that I was once again deep in the sights, scents, and memories of this world.
Forcing myself to compartmentalize, because there was no time to disappear into the past, I reached down for the large olive-green sack made from fronds of the pamolsa tree, which was sitting just to the left of the entrance. It was heavy, and that was all I needed to know about how formal this event was going to be. Full Rohami getup for all of us.
Just as I straightened to bring the items inside, a sweet, husky voice called my name—not Angel, but my warrior name. Not many knew that name since for centuries I’d been without a name or family, but now I had two names and a family I loved.
“Tsuma,” I said with surprise, staring at the familiar Rohami woman. Older than me, she had been a close friend of Reece’s family. One of the originals, powerful and strong, she had not physically aged a day since I’d last seen her many centuries ago. The long, orangey red strands of her hair curled to midback, her light brown skin was plump, showing no sign of line or age, and those gold-tinged eyes were as warm as ever. She’d been beautiful in youth, and the years had only increased her glow.
“I’m so surprised to see you here,” she said as she bustled forward, wrapping her arms around me. I was surprised by the gesture since powerful beings didn’t usually make physical contact with each other, and I wondered if Mera was somehow rubbing off on this world too. “Reece never mentioned that you would be at this gathering.”
Tsuma spoke in her native tongue of Rohami—one of the first languages I’d learned.
“It was a last-minute decision, but it’s definitely nice to be here,” I said.
Her hands were still on my arms, and I fought the urge to shake them off. She was acting weirdly out of character, but it had been a very long time since I’d known her. My judgement of her character was uninformed. I’d changed, and maybe so had she. “I came by to see Reece,” she continued excitedly. “Where are your wings? You look so different.”
Her random jumps between talking points of conversation was much more how I remembered her, and no doubt I did look different standing here in a sheet of cloth, hair wild and streaked with red, no armor or wings. Very few beings had ever seen me like this.
“I recently experienced a rebirth,” I told her, finally managing to move away so she was no longer making contact with my energy. “But the fundamentals of my power remain the same.”
She chuckled, perfect white teeth flashing. “Yes, that is true. A few strands of fire in your hair did not change your insides.”
This was only partly true because I would always be a stoic warrior type, but I was also no longer the robotic loner.
