But the selfish part of me still wanted to gain some kind of forgiveness. I wasn't ready to end things... with either of my princes. Not after Jax's pep talk over breakfast about just enjoying our youth together.
The bottom line was, I loved them both too much to give up without some sort of fight.
For Jordan, that fight was going to be an emotional one. It was going to require we both open up and talk out all our issues with an open mind and open heart.
For Rafe...
"Where are you going?" the devil himself asked as I rushed down the hallway that led to the outdoor spring. "Taking a swim?"
"What's it to you?" I snapped back, pausing to glare at Rafe. He was leaning against a doorframe like he'd just been leaving that room when he saw me.
His lips curled in a mean sort of smile. "When you're wearing my favorite color? Seems like an invitation."
I glanced down at the red bikini I'd chosen, then back at Rafe. "Nah, I just like how this one makes my tits look. I'm sure Jordan will appreciate it too, but I'll let you know later."
I shot him a sassy wink and hip pop, then spun around and made a speedy exit. When I was free and clear, I released a long sigh.
For Rafe, that fight would probably end up as a physical one. Whoever was left breathing at the end would be the victor.
Dysfunctional didn't even scratch the surface on this three-way relationship I'd somehow found myself in.
Chapter 15
Jordan was already at the springs when I got there, standing in the water with just the top half of his back visible as he stared across the spectacular view of mountains beyond the royal compound. My heart pounded hard in my chest, and I was torn between throwing myself into his arms and just playing it cool like this wasn't shredding me to pieces.
Dropping the towel on a chair, I made sure my hair was secured in a high ponytail before stepping into the warm water. Just like last time I was here, the water soothed me as it wrapped around my cuts and bruises, and as I got closer to Jordan, my eyes locked on all the battered skin I could see, I prayed that it was as healing as everyone here liked to think.
All of us needed a little healing, and not just for our physical injuries.
When I reached his side, he didn't turn toward me, and I didn't push him. We both stared at a picture-perfect image. Eventually, I had to catalog his injuries—it was just something I did. Cuts and bruises across basically every visible surface of skin. Whip marks on his arms and shoulders. A few burns on the underside of his chin leading down his throat.
"It wasn't that bad," he said.
I cleared my throat, trying to regain my equilibrium. "I've been tortured," I managed to get out. "It's pretty bad."
Jordan's laugh was derisive. "There is worse pain than physical injuries."
At this stage I had no fucking clue what he was talking about.
"Talk to me," I begged. "Don't shut me out. I'll do whatever I can to fix this."
That seemed to snap him out of the morose mood he was in. Morose turned to anger as he abandoned the view and finally met my gaze. "Did you fall back into bed with him? He had images of you, so many that I welcomed the torture so I didn't have to focus on you fucking the man putting his cigar out on my skin."
I blinked at him, my brain screaming while my breaths hissed in and out forcefully. "I wasn't with Uriel," I said. "I slept with him once when I was sixteen. Any images would have been from that... or photo manipulation. I swear to you."
Jordan examined me, those dark eyes of his shadowed, and I was so desperate to see them back to normal because he trusted that I wasn’t lying about this. "I think I just need a few days," he finally said, and I almost choked on the lump in my throat when he ran a finger over my cheek, voluntarily touching me. "I promise to work on sorting out the mess that is my head. Can you give me some time?"
I nodded, unable to speak.
Jordan's smile was almost normal as he turned and waded back through the water, leaving me there. I didn't follow him with my eyes, unable to stand the sight of someone else walking away from me. Focusing on the view, I blinked over and over, fighting with everything I had not to cry.
A battle I lost as the first tear slipped free. It burned against my cool skin and started an avalanche of agony that I couldn't stem. How had everything gone from perfect to a fucking mess so quickly? Even for me, that was impressive. Weeks of being trapped in a prison of Uriel's making had taken its toll on me as well, and I'd finally reached the end of my ability to handle it.
The pain in my gut was so bad, equally matching the pain in my chest, as I leaned forward and braced my hands on my knees to stop myself from crumbling into a little ball.
"Five more minutes," I sobbed out loud. "You have five more fucking minutes to fall apart before it's time to get your game face on."
Saying the words out loud should have helped me calm my shit, but if anything, it had the opposite effect. My knees crumpled a little, and just as I was going down under the water, arms wrapped around me, catching me as they dragged me back into a firm chest.
