So why the hell was I feeling so emotional? Why did I want to curl forward and release the sobs threatening to erupt from me?
“I’m not sure how to process this new … thing,” I admitted. “I’m not sure that I can just start having a father now, after all of these life-cycles of being basically parentless. But … maybe we can start as friends.” His expression didn’t change, but his eyes almost looked like they darkened. It was difficult to tell in this landscape.
“I can do friends,” he finally said.
I nodded. “Okay, great. Well, friend, I could really use a helping hand in freeing the worlds from your brother’s tyrant ways.”
Jakan grinned. It was a nice smile, and for the first time I saw hints of the shape of my smile around his jawline and cheeks.
“If you can get me out of here, then I can help you take Staviti down. For too long he has abused his power. It’s time to return it to the land.”
I nodded rapidly. “Yes! I’m so glad you’re not wanting to take over either. I think the land has it sorted, if we just return the balance.”
Jakan regarded me carefully. “You have the power, if you want to take the world by force. It would be faster than your current path, and easier. Almost a guarantee of success. Are you sure it’s not something you want to consider?”
Laughter burst from me before I could stop it, echoing eerily around the empty and desolate land. Jakan didn’t laugh, continuing to stare.
“Can anyone rule absolutely and not become corrupt?” I asked between chuckles. “It’s almost inevitable with having so much power, no matter how good your intentions are at the start. I don’t think one god, sol, or dweller was designed to control all. It’s time for a different system.”
Jakan reached out and I flinched, but didn’t jump back when his hand landed gently on my shoulder. “I want you to know that I am very proud of you. I always have been, the way you’ve handled the burdens I left you with. It couldn’t have been easy, having god gifts and not realising, thinking that you were cursed. I wished so many times that I could have been there for you, to guide you. But in the end, you didn’t need me.”
I shook my head and his hand off at the same time. We were heading into emotional territory and I needed to stay focussed.
“You do what you have to do, you know,” I replied. “Anyone else would have done the same.” And I wasn’t going to tell him how badly I had needed him at times, without even knowing that’s what was missing from my life.
Jakan looked like he was going to reply, but I cut him off before he could. “So, are you ready to make it back to Topia? To the land of the living?”
His lips tilted up minutely. “Yes. I’m ready. But the facts remain the same as the last time you were here: you cannot take a whole soul back with you. I’m still a whole soul, you are still part of a soul. Together we would be too much.”
I held up the dagger. “This is a Crowe weapon, one designed for me. It’s a pathway back as well. Two pathways, two souls.”
Jakan regarded the weapon. “I’ve never seen anyone use a weapon like that to return before,” he said slowly, and my hope sank until he added: “But with your energy, we could possibly make it happen.”
Another burst of disappointment hit me. “I’m drained,” I choked out. “Pica was holding me in this weird prison that used my energy to power itself. And before that I turned a server into a god. So … I’m barely running at a tenth of my normal energy.”
There weren’t any active god powers in the imprisonment realm, so I couldn’t feel for the swirl of heat inside to know for sure, but considering I’d come there within a few clicks of leaving my prison, there hadn’t been any time for me to rejuvenate myself. So it stood to reason that I remained at a critically low level of power. Jakan’s expression didn’t fall like I had expected. Instead, he looked thoughtful.
“There might be another way,” he finally said, straightening to his impressive height—he might actually be taller than Rome, who was the god I measured all heights against. “I’ve tried to avoid thinking about all the ways I could have escaped with you the last time you appeared. Your mother’s body was in danger and you needed to go back as quickly as possible. There wasn’t any time … but after you left, the alternatives haunted me. If we’re going to attempt one of my ideas, we’re going to have to cross parts of the imprisonment realm.” He turned and pointed across a long land of grey nothingness.
I cleared my throat but didn’t argue. “Let’s get started then,” I said, turning in that direction.
Jakan didn’t hesitate, striding out. I hurried to follow, falling in at his side. He glanced down to me. “Your energy will not rejuvenate here either,” he informed me, “so this is our only chance.”
I must have looked as worried as I felt, because the next look he shot me was a little more jovial. “The worst-case scenario would be that you use the chains to return yourself to Topia. I’ve been here for a long time; I can wait a little longer for you to return with full power.”
I guessed that was true, and I did feel better knowing that this wouldn’t be my only opportunity.
“Where are we going?” I asked, looking out over the bare land before us.
“To the mortal glass,” he replied simply.
I remembered him telling me that he kept track of me through the mortal glass.
“Do you often stand at the glass?” I asked, wanting to understand this god better. This god who was apparently my father.
I wasn’t sure that was a concept I’d ever get used to.
“Yes, it’s the only window I have back to the world. Especially since you took your mother’s soul with you.”
