‘It’s my choice.’ Her voice broke. ‘If the alternative is a life without you, then this is better.’ She turned to the defender on duty. ‘Open the gate. I’m going with him.’
‘Don’t open the gate,’ Roul said.
Her breaths were coming faster now. ‘Please.’
‘Please what?’ He walked right up to the gate, and she met him there, reaching through the wood once more. This time he took hold of both her hands, squeezing tightly. ‘Pleasewhat? Please ruin your life? Break the hearts of your family? Take you to a dangerous place so you can live out your days worse off?’
The burning gave way to tears. It was mortifying, but she could do nothing to stop them.
He brought his face close to hers. ‘I love you,’ he whispered. ‘I mean, Ireally love you. It’s the only reason I’m able to walk away, knowing it’s what’s best foryou.’
Her eyes searched his. ‘What if you’re what’s best for me?’
‘You can’t possibly believe that.’ He let go of her hands and stepped back. ‘I’m the reason you almost died locked in that borough, remember?’
She shook her head, eyes pleading and words not coming.
Then he did the unthinkable.
He turned away, returned to his horse, and left.
CHAPTER36
Roul expected to die on the journey home. Not only because he was a sole traveller riding a piece of food but because his mind could barely form a coherent thought. He doubted his ability to pull off a clever escape if he were attacked. But somehow, either by God’s grace or pure luck, he slipped by the rebels without incident and arrived in Carno still riding his horse.
Next thing he knew, he was standing out front of his family home, his sisters’ arms wrapped around him and his mother crying nearby. His father’s grin was as wide as a plate.
‘We weren’t sure we’d ever see you again,’ Wilona said, brushing tears from her cheeks.
Roul wanted to match their joy and share in their relief, but he felt only hollow and misplaced.
‘You must be exhausted after such a long journey—and so soon,’ his mother said, interpreting his silence as fatigue. ‘Let’s get some food into you, then let you rest.’
He was exhausted. And he was hungry. He was also hoping to high hell that he had done the right thing in leaving Eda behind at that gate. She never cried, and the image of her tear-stained face had been his constant companion for the duration of the journey.
‘Please,’ she had begged.Begged.
Walking away was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.
‘Did the prince make it safely to Eldon Castle?’ Lana asked as they gathered around the table.
‘Yes. He’ll take his place as king.’
Clive appeared pleased by that news. ‘Good. He seems like he has a decent head on his shoulders.’
‘What of Blackmane?’ Odella asked, playing with the ends of her hair. ‘Did he survive the journey?’
‘He did. Woottone was injured and Hadewaye fell ill, but everyone made it.’
His mother reached across the table and took his hand. ‘How long are you staying this time?’
The next words from his mouth should have been the easiest, most joyful ones to say to his family, yet they stuck in his throat. ‘I’m back for good.’
Tears of joy ensued around the table. His father clapped him on the shoulder as if he had earned his freedom through sacrifice and hard work. In a way he had. His mother rose from her seat to hug him. One day, he would tell them everything, but for now he let them enjoy this moment. They deserved it.
‘I’d hoped Eda might return with you,’ Wilona said as she took her seat. ‘You two seemed smitten. I’m not usually wrong about these things.’
He had not been ready to hear her name aloud, so it took him a moment to reply. ‘Eda belongs with her family.’
