“I need to talk to Valerie; I’ll walk out with you.”
The two of them walked out to the main room, but Tash stopped him before he walked to the two boys. “I know there’s something you aren’t telling me and your brothers.”
Brandon’s stomach clenched. He stared wide-eyed at Tash, unable to speak. Apparently his silence revealed more than any words he might have spoken.
“I understand how much of an upheaval your life has been in this past week. But if you’re keeping something from them, never mind me, you need to reconsider. Those men would give up their lives for you; they’d do anything to help.”
Each word spoken was like a knife, jabbing Brandon in the chest. He wanted to talk, but he couldn’t. As a psychiatrist, Tash must’ve been used to deception, because he continued, relentless in his attempt to get Brandon to speak.
“Whatever happened, it’s eating you up inside. Something’s not right when every time your life back in Pennsylvania is mentioned, you either clam up or freak out. To me, that’s a sign.” When Brandon didn’t say anything, Tash sighed. “I need to see Val.” He began to walk away. With each step, Brandon could see his future trailing away before him like a skein of wool, unraveling his heart.
“Tash?” Brandon’s pulse pounded in his ears. He was unsure if Tash would even stop to listen to him now. When he halted in midstride, Brandon hurried to catch up to where he stood before Tash changed his mind and walked away.
There came a point in life when choices had to be made, and the consequences be damned. As a child he’d lived his whole life with uncertainty, never knowing who his parents were or why they’d given him away. In his subconscious, he’d always believed it was something he’d done; that if he’d been a better boy, they might have loved him.
When Ash left, Brandon thought if he hadn’t been such a baby, Ash would’ve stayed. He remembered crying to Luke, saying he was sorry. Luke had shushed him and said only that it wasn’t his fault. Ash would be back. But he never came.
That last night during the fight with Munson, Luke had screamed at him to get out, once again protecting him. Brandon could do little more than agree to be hustled out of the house, looking back over his shoulder as Luke and Munson came to blows. Munson told him for years afterward that if Luke had wanted to find him, he could’ve.
When he’d looked for Luke, his dream of seeing his brother again died a bit with each dead end he ran up against. He’d never given Ash the chance, figuring that Ash had reached the height of such achievement in his life, he’d want nothing to do with Brandon. Now, with Tash, Brandon’s own dreams and successes seemed attainable. He loved Tash and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, but couldn’t do it without first opening his life up for inspection and putting himself in the spotlight.
“Can we talk tonight? I can make dinner at your house.” No more lies, no subterfuge or ducking any questions that might be asked. It was time to act like the grown man he insisted he was. The resigned hesitancy in Tash’s eyes distressed him; having seen those beautiful eyes light up with passion, Brandon never wanted to be the cause of Tash’s pain. “Please. I need to tell you things. But not here.”
After a measured look, Tash gave a shrug. “Fine. Were you planning on spending the day here?”
“Yes. I want to work with the boys and get them started on some projects. I’m hoping to prepare them for the specialized high school exams they’ll be taking in the next year or two.”
“Good. So we can leave after Dwayne’s mother picks them up.” Tash didn’t smile or give him any indication what he was thinking. Merely a nod and then he walked away to where Johnny, Troy, and several of the others were congregated.
For the rest of the afternoon, as he helped the two boys, Brandon rehearsed what he would say in his mind, but it always ended up badly.
How could he tell Tash he was a murderer?
* * * *
Tash decided to leave a little earlier with Valerie, and Brandon wanted to go to the supermarket to pick up some things to make the dinner special. Since Drew had already said he and Ash were going back to Brooklyn to have dinner with Mike and Rachel that night, Brandon asked if they wouldn’t mind taking him to the supermarket, then dropping him off at Tash’s carriage house since it was along their way.
“Brandon, what’s wrong?” Drew hefted one of the grocery bags into the trunk of the car. He slammed the hatch down. “You’ve barely said a word since we left the center.”
“Hmm? Oh, nothing. I’m wondering if I got everything.” The lie slipped so easily through his lips it should’ve made him feel guilty, but it didn’t.
The skeptical look on Drew’s face was proof he hadn’t fooled the man. Drew was one of the most perceptive men he’d ever met. Though Ash was the physically stronger of the two, Brandon had no doubt it was Drew’s inner strength that their relationship was built upon. He envied the quiet confidence and trust Drew possessed when it came to his feelings for Ash. Brandon could tell their love ran bone-deep, and wanted that for himself and Tash.
The ride to Brooklyn was uneventful, with Drew giving some insight into Mike and Rachel’s wedding plans. They were going to be married at Esther’s in the springtime to take advantage of her flower-filled back garden.
“I hear Mike could care less as long as he doesn’t have to wear a tux.” Ash switched lanes on the Brooklyn Bridge and exited off by Cadman Plaza Park. The little restaurants in Brooklyn Heights were beginning to fill up for the evening, and the streets were crowded with people choosing where to have dinner.
Drew chuckled. “Can’t say I blame him; although you look pretty handsome all dressed up, I have to say.” He reached over and squeezed Ash’s thigh.
“A wedding is for the bride, period. Except if we ever got married. Then I’d want to see you dressed up too. You’re pretty damn hot in your tux, yourself.”
The conversation peaked Brandon’s curiosity. “Do you guys plan on getting married?”
Ash met his eyes in the rearview mirror and smiled. “No one’s asked me yet.”
Drew remained silent, a serene look on his face, and Brandon dropped the subject. They pulled up in front of Tash’s carriage house, and Brandon hopped out of the car and collected his bags from the trunk.
“Thanks for the ride, guys. See you tomorrow at Esther’s.”
