CHAPTER
SIX
BROOKE
I wasn’t lyingwhen I told Silas I was leaving today, but what I didn’t tell him was that I also had my appointment with my therapist today. My dad will be here to get me before lunch, which will give us plenty of time to stop at some stores on our way home. And I’m honestly looking forward to it. For multiple reasons really. I need some time with my dad, but I also feel like I need some time away from campus and Eli.
There’s five minutes till my appointment, and I’m hustling to reach the door. I hate to be late. It makes me anxious. I just couldn’t make myself get out of bed this morning, and I’m normally an early riser. Maybe I slept in because I knew I needed to dig deep in therapy today and was subconsciously avoiding it.
I swing open the door and run up the stairs, and when I reach the top, I see my therapist, Kaitlin, standing at the door, waiting for me with a smile on her face.
“It’s okay for you to be a minute late, you know?” she says.
“My need to be on time might not be a habit we will be able to curb.” I huff as I reach her.
She places a hand on my shoulder. “Come on in. I want to hear about what you’ve been up to.”
“Well, get ready. I have some things to unpack with you today.”
“Ooh … that’s good!” Kaitlin moves to the chair she usually sits in and picks up a small notepad.
There’s a brown leather couch in the room across from her chair, so I take a seat and remove my crossbody and set it on the table between us. I take a few deep breaths just so I can be able to talk. My brother got all the athletic genes for sure. I work out, but running at lightning speed across the oval, like Beck can, is not in my wheelhouse.
“So, tell me how your finals went. Did you have any attacks?”
“No panic attacks, thankfully. They went well. Pretty easy, to be honest. You know I enjoy writing, and two of my classes were essays, so I actually had fun with those. One was on the correlation between shifts in geographical patterns and the severity of tornado activity, particularly the eastward shift of Tornado Alley.” I fold my hands together because I tend to wave my hands around while I’m talking as a nervous habit.
“That does sound interesting, Brooke. I would love to read it when you get it back from your professor.” She makes a note on her notepad.
“Yeah, of course. But, yes, everything went well. I’m ready for a break though.” I shake out my hands when she nods to them and sees me squeezing them so tight that my knuckles are turning white.
“What are your plans for the break?”
She makes another note on her pad. I wonder what she writes on it. I wish I could see it one day.
“Uh, well, my dad is picking me up before lunch today, and then we’ll take care of some holiday stuff. Beck comes home tomorrow, but he’s coming here first to get Charlie. Then I guess Christmas at my house or the Kings’ or both. After that, we’ll allhead to Houston to watch the game.” I start to twist my hands again because now I’m thinking about the fact that I’ll be watching Silas play too. “Oh, and we’re going to Chicago to watch Beck’s game between Christmas and New Year’s.”
“Busy then. But that’s really good for you to spend time with your family. Get some downtime from school. You’ve been working hard this semester, and honestly, you’ve adjusted very well to school and being away from your dad.”
“I think I had to. I mean, Charlie and Casey being here helps. It might have been harder for me if I didn’t have them.” I reach for my bag to grab a mint.
“In what way?” she asks.
“Well, because it’s difficult for me to fit in, I guess. I’m not really comfortable making friends.” I shrug. “I mean, all my friends here are Charlie’s friends or were my brother’s friends and teammates, so I knew them all before I got here. I don’t really have any friends outside of that circle.”
“That’s true, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t meet people. What about Eli? You met him on your own. How is that going?”
“Yes, I did, but that was because we met in class. And he made the first move.” I crunch my mint and swallow, starting to feel anxious because this is the big thing we need to talk about.
“And things are going well with him?” She has that stupid pen poised on the pad again.
“Actually, not good at all. And I’m not really sure what to do about it now. I don’t think we’re a great match. It’s really hard for me to talk to him too. I just …” I know what I’m about to say isn’t going to paint him in the best light. “He can be kind of mean, in the sense that he talks down to me. And the worst part is that I just sit there and take it. I’m staying with him, and I can’t figure out why I can’t walk away.”
“So, he’s condescending to you?” She points her pen toward me.
“Yes, he is. But I also wonder if he even really likes me as a person. Like, I don’t understand why he’s with me, you know?”I hold out my hands in front of me. “He hates my friends. Makes comments about the guys being dumb jocks, knowing who my brother is and how I’m associated with them.” I drop my head back on the couch. “I don’t feel like I can really be myself with him either. When I’m at Charlie’s, it feels like home. Everything is just easy, so I feel like I can relax and be myself. But when I’m with Eli, I feel like I have to perform. Does that make sense?”
“Tell me what you mean by perform.” She motions her hand toward her body. “That’s an interesting word to use.”
