“Actually, just take me to my dorm instead.”
He sighs. “I wish you had told me when we passed that street a few minutes ago.”
“Sorry,” I mumble, even though I’m not really sorry. I have the habit of apologizing when I shouldn’t.
The rest of the ride is silent. I just can’t talk to him right now, or I’ll cry or blow up, and neither option is comfortable for me. I shoot a text off to Charlie though, letting her know I’ll call her later and that I’m staying at my place tonight. I was lucky enough to get a single room within a quad in one of the dorms. So, I’ll have some peace and quiet so I can process everything that happened tonight and the things Eli said.
We drive up to my dorm, and there are no parking spots, so he just pulls to the side and turns on his hazards.
“I would walk you up, but there’s nowhere for me to park. You’re good, right?”
I unbuckle my seat belt and glance up at him quickly, notwanting to make eye contact. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you later.”
I pull the door handle, but he grabs on to my arm to stop me.
“Hey, I’m not going to kiss you tonight. I can’t kiss you after that Neanderthal put his lips on you. I’ll call you before I go to sleep though.”
Unbelievable.
“I’m not really in the mood anyway, so, yeah, we’re all set. See you later, Eli.”
I push open the door so I can get out of the car. Once I’m out, I slam the door before I say something I might regret later. I think I hear him curse as I walk away, but I don’t really care right now.
I wave at a few people as I walk in, but I don’t stop to talk to anyone. I just want to get into my room and forget this night.
Thankfully, when I open the door to my dorm room, none of my roommates are out in the living area. All of the bedroom doors are closed, so they’re likely studying. My roommates are all nice, but I don’t hang out with them much. I haven’t really told them much about me other than my major. If they know who I am or connected me to my brother, no one has said anything, which is good. I’ve struggled with genuine friendships since my brother started to become more well known.
I close my bedroom door behind me and drop my purse on my desk next to my bed. I strip off my clothes and get my pajamas on. Crossing the hall to the bathroom, I make quick work of my nighttime routine and head back to my room. Once I settle into my bed, I grab my phone from the nightstand.
Brooke: Hey, you still up?
Charlie: Yep. Call me?
I tap the Phone icon, and it only rings once before she answers.
“Hey, you. How you doing?” she asks.
I sigh, covering my eyes with my arm. “I don’t know. What am I doing, Char? Everything started well with Eli, but it’s just gotten … I don’t know … harder, being around him lately.”
“Well, I can’t say that I’m all that experienced with dating. You know I’ve only had two boyfriends, and I’m marrying my first. What I can say is that Eli reminds me a little bit of the guy I dated at Chandler before I transferred here. He was really full of himself, and looking back, I realize he got off on putting me down. Like it made him feel better about himself or something. It was a total change from how Beck had treated me, so I knew it wasn’t exactly right, but I was still so messed up over your brother that I think I just tolerated it.” She pauses. “But, Brooke, don’t waste your time on someone you don’t even really like being around. I know you were excited when you first met him, and you have similar interests and whatnot, but that doesn’t carry a relationship. And I was a little nervous when you told me you were going to sleep with him, but that wasn’t my place to say anything. You had to make that choice.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s like I know all of this logically, but I can’t exactly make myself break up with him. You know I don’t like to hurt people, although I’m not sure he’d be all that disappointed if I ended it. It’s almost like he lost interest after we started having sex. And when we do, it feels very mechanical. It makes me feel like maybe he isn’t that attracted to me and we’re just doing it because we’re a couple. Is that stupid?”
“No, it’s not stupid. You’re saying a lot about what you think he thinks or feels, but you’re not saying anything about how you feel. You know you’re allowed to have an opinion on this relationship, right? You’re part of it too. He doesn’t get to make all the calls here, B.” She scoffs.
“No, I know. Urgh. I don’t know why I’m like this.”
“Have you talked to your therapist about this at all? I feel like some of these pieces of what you have told me are connected to the bigger picture of your past. We don’t have to dig deeptonight, but I think you need to talk to her about Eli the next time you have an appointment. Be really honest about how you feel about him and why you’re hanging on to this relationship.”
“You’re right, and, yes, I have an appointment with her next week, just before Christmas. You’re staying on campus and driving home for Christmas Eve? Are y’all staying at your house or mine? I know Beck only gets a few days off.”
“Yeah, you can come stay at this house for sure. Beck will fly into Oklahoma City and come directly here. I think we’ll spend one night here, then head home, but I’m not sure if we’ll be at your house or mine. Not that it really matters since they’re right across the street.” She laughs. “Casey will only be home for Christmas Eve because they’ll need to be back here at practice. Bo and Silas will both be here too, obviously. I’m pretty sure Chelsea will be staying around, and Noelle is going home ahead of Casey to spend a few days with her family, but she’ll be back the day after Christmas.”
“Y’all are going to the bowl game in Houston, right?”
The football team has made it to the playoffs this season, but we have to make it through two rounds of bowl games before the big show.
“Yes, for sure. Are you and your dad coming with us? I thought you were.”
