My thumb hovers over the keyboard, but I don’t even know how to reply to this. In my gut, I know I should break up with Eli, yet there’s this thing inside me that says stay. It’s why I’ve made all the choices I have made my whole life.
My hands are starting to shake, and I can feel the tightness in my back spreading up and over my shoulders. I cannot have an anxiety attack right now. I take some deep breaths to try to calm myself down.
Five … four … three … two … one.
When I look for something to feel, I panic a little, running out of options in these bleachers. I reach into my purse and grab a mint.
As I chew on it, I barely notice the buzzer that ends the game. Eli finally acknowledges me when he stands.
“Let’s go.” He holds out a hand for me to take and keeps it in his as we climb the stairs.
The mixed signals make my head spin, and I feel like I can’t keep up.
We make our way out of the arena and through the parking lot to Eli’s car. Thankfully, his friends drove separately, so it’s just the two of us in his car.
“Do you want me to take you home, or do you want to come over?”
Is he serious? He ignored me for most of the game, and now he wants me to come over?
“Well, I mean, do you want me to come over? You seemed pretty upset with me tonight and not really like you want to be hanging out with me.”
“I was fine until your buddies showed up. It feels like they’re always around. And I know they’re your friends, but they’re just a bunch of dumb jocks. I’m honestly surprised you tolerate them and spend as much time with them as you do. How do you even carry on civilized conversations with them?” He huffs a laugh.
I’m literally speechless right now. I pull in a breath and pause to think about what I want to say in response.
“Eli, you know my brother is one of those jocks you’re talking about, right? And I don’t really appreciate you talking about him or our friends like that. Some of those guys are as smart, if not smarter, than you and me.”
“See, you always defend them like this too. It makes me wonder if something is going on behind my back.”
I laugh. “You can’t be serious! I’ve been nothing but loyal to you, and I would never cheat on anyone. Eli, I really don’t understand where all this is coming from. Things started out so good between us. We’ve taken things to the next level by sleeping together. You know I don’t take that lightly, so I’m really upset that you’re insinuating that I would be hooking up with any of them behind your back. They’re like brothers to me.”
“Silas Arbuckle doesn’t look at you like a sister. And I don’t think anyone kisses his sister the way he kissed you tonight.”
“Well, if you had just kissed me, it wouldn’t have happened! I didn’t even realize what was going on until I saw us on the Jumbotron. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me that my boyfriend wouldn’t even give me a peck? I wanted to curl up in a ball on my seat.”
He glances over at me with irritation written all over his face. “Listen, Brooke, I think we need to table this conversation for tonight. We’re both upset, and you need to take some time to calm down.”
“I need to calm down? Nice. Okay, you know what? You’re right. Take me to my brother’s house.”
“Your brother doesn’t even live there anymore. This is what I’m talking about. It doesn’t make sense for you to spend as much time over there as you do.”
“My brother’s fiancée is like my sister. Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with her?”
“I just think it’s weird that you spend so much time over there with a bunch of guys when you have a boyfriend—that’s all I’ll say.”
I can feel tears forming, and I don’t want to break in front of him. I don’t know why he’s saying these things. I mean, it’s not really a surprise that he doesn’t like my friends, but he can be a jerk sometimes. Okay, maybe a lot of the time.
More and more lately, I’ve been questioning why I’m evenwith him. I don’t feel like he even likes me all that much. So, I don’t know why I’m hanging on to this.
I think it’s time I got real with the therapist I’ve been seeing and get some advice about it. I started working with the same therapist here that my brother used. I really like her, and because she knows our history, it’s made it much easier for me to dive in. I haven’t told Eli about any of this because I know if I told him about my past, he would definitely break up with me and probably tell everyone we know. Which I only care about because I have three and a half years to go in my program and will have to be in classes with a lot of them.
“Are you just going to sit there and pout now?” he sighs.
I rub my hands on my legs and exhale a shaky breath. “I’m not pouting, Eli. You’re being intentionally cruel.”
“I’m telling the truth. You just don’t like hearing it.”
We’re turning down the street to the house, but as we get closer, I realize I’m not ready to be around Silas yet. I need some space.
