“Where’s Noah?” I pull my jacket off and toss it across the foot of the bed.
She lifts her head and gazes up at me. So much swirls through her eyes. I see worry, fear, exhaustion, but thankfully I still see love.
“Ms. Rose took him into her room to sleep. She said just in case he woke up in the middle of the night, I didn’t have to get up with him.”
That woman was a lifesaver and worth every dime I paid her. I could kiss Nathaniel for giving me that recommendation. I crawl up from the foot of the bed in order to sit beside my wife. She’s silent for a while. So am I. There is a lot I want to say, but don’t know where to start.
“I’m sorry,” we both say at the same time. She looks at me with a smile, and we both chuckle.
She turns her body; her left shoulder leaning against the headboard as she faces me. “Let me go first.”
I nod even though I don’t think she needs to apologize.
“I’ve been telling you what I need from you a lot lately.” She looks down at her hands before glancing up at me. “Ever since I watched that video,” she pauses. “I’ve felt as if I’m married to a stranger.”
Grabbing her hand in mine, I kiss the back of it.
She continues. “I still need you to let me in, Nico. I want to know the man I married, the man I share a child with, the man I love.”
Hearing her say she loved me sent a tingling feeling throughout my body. I felt lighter and weightless. Tension immediately seemed to lift from my shoulders.
“However, I realize that I’ve been so busy telling you what I need that I haven’t listened to what you needed. You told me that your past is difficult to talk about. And yet I felt entitled to it. So, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t keep pushing you to tell me about your past.”
I shake my head. “Don’t apologize. My past…” I stop and swallow down the anxiety that tries to claw up in me. “My past was not good. There are things that happened, and that I did that I will never feel comfortable talking about. However, it doesn’t mean I can’t let you in.” Rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand, I continue.
“I need to apologize to you. Today at the restaurant, the way I spoke to you will never happen again.” She cuts her gaze away, and I chase it with my head until she looks at me again. “Do you believe me when I say that?”
She shrugs. “I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.”
Although that truth hurt, I understood her. Salv was right. I created an image of myself for her, and although every word I said to her was real, it’s hard for her to reconcile it with what I did.
“I am the man you fell in love with. Everything I showed you when we first met is real. Your protector, confidante, andbiggest supporter: all of that is me. I’m the man that will provide you with anything that you are lacking, rather it a huge job opportunity, a new car, or a way out of a fucked-up relationship. I won’t downplay the role I played as Saint.”
She looks down when I mention my street name. My finger under her chin brings her gaze back to me.
“When I saw you in that club, I knew you were mine. Call it arrogance or delusion, but I knew you were meant for me. Maybe what I did was a little on the extreme.”
She snorts. “A little? You kidnapped me.”
“And I rescued you,” I argue. “Not just from a bad guy named Saint, but from a loveless relationship that was way past its expiration date.”
Her eyes soften as she looks away and then back at me.
“I will never apologize for what I did to get to this place with you. But I want you to know that the man you are looking for is still right here. Nico is head over heels in love with you. He is kind and gentle for you, and wants nothing but to see you smile and be happy. Saint is the man that will kill any muthafucker that thinks of harming you. He will put a bullet in the head of any man or woman that tries to take you from me. I need you to understand that I am both men.”
She eyes me for a moment. I know this will be the biggest hurdle in our relationship. Her trying to reconcile who the real Saint is. I was her hidden villain for most of our relationship. And now, I’m trying to tell her that he isn’t the villain but the hero.
I love Tiffany. My job as her husband is to make her happy and keep her safe. That is a job for both Saint and Nico. No, I don’t have two personalities. I’m only one man, but I do have two personas. One is a lover and the other a protector.
“I can accept you as Saint, but you can’t keep me in the dark. I don’t have to know everything, but you have to be honest withme enough to tell me when something is going on. Not telling me leaves me in the dark.”
I was man enough to admit she’s right. The lifestyle I lead will often place a target on her back. I knew this would be the case when I went after her heart. I thought I was strong enough and moved cautiously enough that it wouldn’t be. That was just my ego making me stupid. Now that I know better, I have to move differently.
Tugging her arm, I pull her toward me. She comes willingly, straddling my lap. She’s wearing one of my white undershirts. The heat coming from her center tells me she’s not wearing underwear. I want to be pissed that she was in this room with a man alone with no underwear on, but I won’t bring it up right now.
“You’re right.” I place a kiss on her chin. “I can’t keep you in the dark.”
“What happened tonight?”
