“Maybe, I’ll just re-take the MCAT. We both know I’d be an excellent doctor.”
I took a bite out of the chocolates, and the tang of saltiness sent a wave of nostalgia through me. It was the same flavor he’d buy me after I’d beat him at the gun range. Although maybe Ronan just let me win to ingratiate himself into my life better. Did he even give a shit that I was currently breaking into crack houses to sleep?
“And then your father would just bribe that one to fail you, too. Plus, I doubt you actually really want to become a doctor. You just want to pretend like you’re on Grey’s Anatomy,” he said.
Okay,he might have had a point about Grey’s Anatomy. When I was younger, every day when I got home from my UpperWest Sideprep school, I’d religiously watch and re-watch Greys. In a world where I had to slit throats and collect on gambling debts, the tv show had just seemed so normal.
Plus, living a life like those TV doctors sure as fuck beat the one I currently was living. If I could handle having my ribs broken for not repaying the loan sharks, I could handle some dumbass trying to kill me while I was operating.
“Maybe, I’ll just bribe the examiner with more money than my father.” It was a stupid idea, but Ronan was just pissing me off. It was easy for him to spout off about what to do when he was living in a three bedroom condo with an outdoor shower on the rooftop. I didn’t even have running water at half the places I crashed out, let alone one on a private terrace where I could look down at the unfortunate souls wading through the heat of midtown.
“And where are you planning on getting that money?”he asked, his eyes darkening. Easy for him to say when hiscondo’s monthly common charges were more than I could afford to spend on food in a year.
“The loan sharks would be more than happy to loan me more.” I couldn’t hold back a smirk. His angry expression made all of this worth it.
“Damn it, Selene. You know you can’t fuck around with those guys.”
I glanced at my hand, and all the elation I felt at working himup seemed to vanish. I was more than aware. The bruises from their last beating had finally faded.
I sighed. “Listen, I’m not going back to my dad. He needs to accept that, and let me start living my life.”
“He’s never going to do that.”Ronan’s jaw tightened before he continued, “What happened back then? Let me fix it. Please.”
If only it were that easy.“You can’t fix it. And there’s nothing you can say to make me come back.”
I rolled up the Lay’s chips. Then I threw them and chocolates into my duffel bag.
“Selene, you can’t keep going on like this.”
I ignored him as Iwalked out the door.
Chapter 4
The second I walkedinto a delightfully air conditioned shop on Fifth Avenue, the saleswoman at the front lifted her upper lip into a sneer. There was no ‘Welcome’ or‘Let me know if there is anything I can help you with’. There was only a dismissive look at my dirt-smeared outfit. I couldn’t help that the place I was staying at didn’t have running water, let alone a washing machine. Or if it did at one time, all the components had been stolen.
I should’ve marched my formerly white colored sneakers out of the chilly artificial air back into the sweltering summer heat. I’d been stealing clothes from the Goodwill because I was so broke: I couldn’t even afford a keychain here. Honestly,I really should consider just accepting free clothes from Goodwill, but I couldn’t force myself to admit to someone that I needed them.
Ignoring those facts, I strode towards the women’s section. It was impossible toignore the ache of pleasure I felt when I assessed this season’s ready-to-wear couture. I thumbed through the dresses. Caressing the chiffon, I wondered when would be the next time I would even have an occasion to wear something like this.
I thought back to the threateningtextI had received from Ray. My now very pissed off loan shark I’d been avoiding.
I touched a black velvety dress. Maybe the next time I wore something this beautiful, it would be at my funeral.My first baby outfit was Burberry. Might as well go out in style.
I shook the thought out of my head. Thereminder of the happy memories from that point in my life weremore painful than the thought of dying. When I moved to the next rack,I saw it. The light hit the dress and made it shimmer reds, oranges, and yellows. It was like a mirror had caught the sun and was reflecting it with a dress. I caressed the silken bodice and admired how it felt like water turned into fabric. God, I missed my old wardrobe. Hopefully, whoever had picked it up from the consignment store was enjoying it.
“Can I help you?” The stiff upper lipped saleswoman asked. Her arms were crossed, and she was glaring at my hand like I was about to snatch the dress and run off with it.
I turned back to the dress again. A year ago, that woman would have been smiling demurely at me, gently asking if she could put anything in the dressing room. Without even looking up from the rack, I spoke.
“Canyou getme that dress in a 2 and 4?”
In my peripheral vision, I watched the woman’s lips tighten into a straight line. But she grabbed the dress and walked away. Maybe she was just worried that I’d get dirt on the dress.
I directed my attention to the shoes next. I ran my hands over theplatformof six inch high, inky black shoes that were completely heelless.I’d never been big on wearinganything with a platform sinceI was already tall. And the idea of trying to sprint away from people in these pony heels made my feet cramp.
My hand stopped moving on acantilevered arch. There was a silken fabric that hung from it, daring me to see if the shoe fit. Or if I could even walk in it. I glanced around for another sales associate, but the only nearby one purposely turned her head towards the door when I tried to make eye contact. I shrugged and picked up the shoe.
“Get me this in a 9 and bring it to my dressing room,” I called to the saleswoman who was avoiding eye contact with me. I plunked the shoeintothe woman’s handharder than necessary.
