It was her turn to cut me off.
“Have you ever done something for the thrill of it, even though you knew it might not end well?”
“Pretty much sums up a lot of my life when I was younger.”
“I… I really haven’t done much of that. I’ve always been really careful. I always weigh the good and the bad. I tend to overthink until the opportunity has disappeared, making the decision for me. I’m always scared about the ‘what ifs’ about things. And I just… I think I’ve missed out on a lot because I’m scared of things going badly. I don’t want to do that here.”
“I get that. Problem is, you’re upset about it while in it too.”
“Because I’m thinking about the what-ifs. Maybe I can stop doing that. Just enjoy it until… until I can’t anymore.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“Okay?”
“Okay. But I think we need a safe word.”
“A safe word? For like…”
“No. I mean, hey, if that’s your kink, we can play. But no. I meant… if at some point you decide you want out, we need an easy way for you to tell me that.”
“I don’t want out.”
“In case you do.”
“Fine. What’s the word?”
“Apricot.”
“Apricot? Why apricot?”
“Because it’s weird enough for you not to say it by mistake, but common enough that you won’t sound like a lunatic if someone else hears it out of context.”
“Okay. Apricot. Got it.”
“Say it, write it, whatever, and I’ll back off, leave you alone.”
She nodded.
“I don’t want to be left alone right now.”
“Good. ‘Cause I don’t plan on leaving yet.”
“Can I ask if there’s been any progress on everything?”
“Junior thinks he’s zeroing in. The guys have been trying to round up some of my old crew, see if they’re still with Cameron. If they are, they will lean and we will get a meet-up.”
“I know I should be happy since everyone’s lives are disrupted.”
“I’ve been enjoying this too, baby. So until then, no more avoiding me?”
“Nope,” she agreed. “In fact, I might need to go to the kitchen late tonight for a bottle of water… then just get turned around.”
“Maybe around one.”
“Why one?”
“They will be changing shifts at around midnight. Gives everyone a chance to do a solid round before they start gettingbored and not so diligent. But not before they get hungry or need more coffee.”
